I paint a picture with a pen like Norman Mailer. Let’s get this thing rolling:
Who wants to watch a bunch of tall dudes in suits put on some hats?: The 2012 NBA Draft is tonight. Your drinking game buzzwords are: “Upside”, “Wingspan”, “Basketball IQ.” Also, drink when David Stern gets booed and when the Houston Rockets inevitably make a trade. Finish your beer if you can’t spell a draftee’s last name, if anyone trips on stage or when someone says the Charlotte Bobcats just massively upgraded their roster.
We interrupt this column to bring you this important update: Houston Rockets GM Daryl Morey trades his mom and dog for two first round picks, a Taco Bell Taco 12-pack and Kate Upton.
Speaking of the Rockets, here’s a helpful visual representation of their off-season strategy:
For no reason whatsoever, here’s video of how CC Sabathia is spending his time on the DL:
Speaking of New York Yankees pitchers on the DL: Retirement enthusiast and part-time starter Andy Pettitte should be out six weeks after
getting a ball smacked against his leg. Man, that didn’t sound good. Can we do that over? K, great. Retirement enthusiast and part-time starter Andy Pettitte should be out six weeks after taking a comebacker from Casey Kotchman. And if you had Casey Kotchman in your office pool of “People I’d read about today”, well … you’re a dirty rotten liar and you should stop reading right now because you’re pure evil.
The next time someone tells you “You can’t,” ask yourself if they have a better idea of what you’re capable of than you do. Remember, the hood is where the haterz at. Now or never.