Bentley’s “Muppet of the Week”

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s finally here.  By popular demand, the first “Muppet of the Week” installment is upon us.  Now when I say the term “muppet” I am not referring to those creepy things created by Jim Henson that were popular in the 80′s.  I say “muppet” as in, someone who performs complete acts of utter ridiculousness and stupidity.  The term was originally thrown around frequently in the poker world, referring to players who were terribly bad and lost money.  The term has gone mainstream and I dont mind tooting my own horn for its popularity.  Trust me here, it feels good to call millionaire athletes “muppets” for stupid ish* they do.  Seeing that this is the first installment of MOTW we will be examining the entire month of May.  Without further wait, here are your muppets.

Dexter Pittman, Miami Heat

Dexter, bro.  Why the wink?!  Lance Stephenson gives LeBron James the “choke” sign and a hit was put out on Lance’s head.  That’s fine.  You execute the hit, which is also fine.  But Dex, the wink!  Its 2012.  High-definition is already boarderline old.  You had to have known the world was going to see that wink.  I know you weren’t winking to some broad in the stands.  I’m not sure who is more of a muppet, you or Lance Stephenson in this case, which brings me to….

Lance Stephenson, Indiana Pacers

Who are you to give the three-time MVP LeBron James a “choke” gesture?  Apparently you played at Cincinatti for a year, and average 0.3 assists a game.  A third of an assist!  Lance, you drop a dime one in every three games, if you’re lucky!  Sure you were trending on Twitter for 15 minutes after you did it, but how did that big a** elbow feel from Dexter Pittman?  Man, stay on the bench and fill gatorade cups for David West.

Bryce Harper, Washington Nationals

The Washington Nationals prodigy decided to smash his bat in frustration in the dugout after some rough at-bats.  Result, ten stitches above his left eye.  Bryce, brother, you could be signing a mega-deal worth real paper down the line if you can keep that vision intact.  I don’t care if you grounded out.  There is no need to smash your bat against a dugout wall.  Relax young buck.

Titus Young, Detroit Lions

Detroit Lions wide-receiver, Titus Young, a former Boise State Bronco, decided to sucker punch the Lions pro-bowl safety Louis Delmas, a former Western Michigan Bronco.  Not only are you both former broncos, you’re currently teammates Titus! Damn.  Sure things get heated during early off-season practices, but safeties are generally buck dudes.  Especially the ones that invite contact from Adrian Peterson, like Louis Delmas does.

Andrew Bynum, Los Angeles Lakers

Man, this kid just does not want to mature.  If Bynum put forth effort, like, a little bit of effort, he would be the most dominant big-man in the league.  This kid just doesn’t care.  Whether its throwing lil’ JJ Barea through the air last year, or chucking up three-balls, or even something small like neglecting to pluck the nine grey hairs on that head, Bynum just cant shed muppet-like activity.

According to a strong source of mine, Bynum sent a test message minutes after the Lakers were eliminated from the playoffs, to a marketing director for Aria nightclub saying “I need a table this weekend, I heard you got Fabulous Saturday…Lock me up with a dance floor table boi!!!”

You Andy, are the first “Muppet of the Week.”

 

 

Paul Bentley is a contributor to Rant Sports

Follow Bentley on Twitter at @KKingBentley

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