Continue in 10
Clubhouse

Bentley’s “Muppet of the Week”

Last week provided several nominees for my second installment of “Muppet of the Week.”  For the new readers, or people who need a quick refresher,  a “muppet” is someone who has exhibited outlandish or bizarrely stupid activity. Last week’s winner Andrew Bynum is a rather good example of this. Lets take a look at this week’s muppets.

Terrell Owens, Former Allen Wrangler WR

Damn. I am slightly embarrassed to admit I have a white T.O Dallas Cowboys jersey hanging in my closet.  This man is a future Hall of Famer but could honestly be considered the captain of the All-Century Muppet Team.  Owens was released from the Allen Wranglers and his ownership stake was also revoked.  Apparently T.O missed pivotal road games, and also missed a scheduled visit to a children’s hospital.  Not cool Terrell.

Serena Williams, Tennis’s bad broad

Serena is arguably one of the best tennis players of all time. However, this doesnt mean she stays away from muppet-like activities.  She was voted by you readers as a nominee for multiple reasons. First, she entered the French Open as the 5 seed and lost in the opening round to the 115 seed, Virginie Razzano.  If this isn’t enough to earn her a nomination, we can look at her rap debut for some ammunition.  A Serena Williams flow was recently released and it had people buzzing.  Although Serena sounds decent on the mic, she did say “I cook the track up like a frozen pizza.”

Now we know where those thighs come from.  Three-meat frozen pizza.

Justin Blackmon, Jacksonville Jaguars WR

Breaking news!  A wide-receiver did something stupid.  Justin Blackmon, the fifth overall pick of the Jaguars this year, was arrested and charged with a DUI last week.  According to police, Blackmon blew a .24 which is three times the legal limit.  Bro, you just got that NFL paper!  You haven’t even caught a ball yet and your trying to screw things up?  Apparently Dewy (DUI) Blackmon didn’t learn from his first driving-under-influence arrest back in 2010. Muppet.

Nick Fairley, Detroit Lions 

Marijuana charge in early April, yawn.  Going 100 mph and eluding police, not so much of a yawn.  Nick, people don’t mind if you smoke the occasional kush blunt, but driving drunk at those speeds and eluding police is buck wild!  On top of the DUI and eluding police charges,  Fairley was also ticketed for reckless driving, no proof of insurance, and having an open container.  Ndamukong Suh is surely going to put his foot in your ass next time he sees you boy.  The Lions are serious playoff contenders and they don’t need you getting crunk off Ciroc and orange-juice all offseason.  Your starting to make the Lions regret the “value-pick” when they drafted you 13th overall last year.  Whether or not you turn things around and mature isn’t going to change the fact that you are this week’s “Muppet of the Week.”

 

Paul Bentley is a contributor to Rant Sports

Follow Bentley on Twitter at @KKingBentley

Read more work from BENTLEY