Satirical Re-enactment of LeBron James' Block on Tiago Splitter

By Jared Porter
LeBron Blocks Tiago Splitter
Pool Photo-USA TODAY Sports

Tiago Splitter made a dunk attempt in game 2 of the NBA Finals that would ultimately become a poster, but not in a good way. LeBron James overpowered Splitter at the rim with one hand, and made a block that will haunt Splitter’s dreams for years to come.

Some claim it was the greatest block of all-time, others say Splitter had no business doing his Michael Jordan impersonation. Either way, I am about to do a satirical re-enactment of the play that almost broke Twitter.

The following story is best read by pretending Morgan Freeman is narrating, along with background music from the Star Wars introduction. 

Ghosts Walk Miami

It is a warm, humid night in the city of Miami. Not a soul is seen on the streets nor a whisper heard for miles. The only signs of life resonate from the millions of lights strewn across hundreds of building, skyscrapers and highway lights providing man’s best impersonation of God’s creation of stars in the sky.

Where is everyone you ask? They are either sitting in their homes in front of their television sets, packed tight like sardines in bars or lucky enough to be at game 2 of the NBA Finals. The moments that follow will lead to an explosion of cheers that will fill the entire state of Florida.

But at this exact moment in time, only ghosts walk the streets of Miami. Not even the dead know of the heroic feat that is soon to occur by their city’s King.

The Dark Side

The mischief is in motion in front of thousands of bystanders, led by the infamous Tony Parker. He takes the ball at the top of the key and eyes the horizon for any sign of weakness in the opposing teams armor.

He quickly finds a broken link in the chain. Fellow companion Tiago Splitter breaks free from Chris Bosh as he helps Parker, so Splitter makes a cut towards the hoop of destiny and receives a dangerous pass from Parker who bounces the ball through two defenders.

A Mind of its Own

The basketball is the most overlooked part of the game. Many speak of the heroic plays from players or strategic moves by coaches, but it is the path of the ball that ultimately decides winners and losers of games. Sure, players can guide the ball to the best of their ability, but the ball sometimes has a mind of its own.

Splitter knows of the misfortune the ball can create when it leaves his hands, so he makes a bold decision. He will take the ball to the hoop himself, thus not giving the ball any other option but to surrender to his wishes.

A Hero, A Savior, A King

The city of Miami watches helplessly as the dark side makes its move. Splitter becomes a freight train in his travel to the hoop of destiny.

But wait.

A King senses tyranny in the distance. Sir LeBron James eyes Splitter making his move towards the basket. If anyone can stop Splitter it is Sir James. All hope lies in the courageous efforts of Miami’s King. How appropriate.

Sir James selflessly risks his body, his pride, even his reputation to stop the tyranny by hand. He leaps towards the heavens to meet Splitter at the peak of Mount Kilimanjaro and grasps the captive ball for what seems like an eternity. The King’s power is too much for the inferior Splitter, and the ball regains its freedom as it leaves the direction of the hoop of destiny and falls elegantly to the floor.

Victorious Battle

The King has saved his city, but he knows the war is far from over. Someone else will surely have to make another act of valor in the battles to come.

Which player will rise next?

Jared Porter is an Oklahoma City Thunder writer for Follow him on Twitter @JaredRyanPorter, or add him on Facebook


You May Also Like