How Ice Cube 'Really' Messed Around to get that Triple-Double

By Joseph Nardone
Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

It is stuff of legends by now. Many years ago after the NWA but before Are We There Yet, rapper-turned-actor-turned-Coors-Light-spokesmen Ice Cube got himself a triple-double. Sadly, lost throughout the years is exactly how one man selfishly accomplished such a feat.

Like most things in life, it started innocent enough. Cube woke up and decided to thank his God for giving him another day to breathe life. His mother even went out of her way to make him some pretty awesome breakfast. After that, however, a cautionary tale unfolded.

First, Ice Cube decided he should call his lady-type friend to arrange a date for later in the evening. That is all fine and dandy, but he did forget to tell her that he was only interested in a fling. That is a sure-fire way to get yourself into trouble and having a seemingly nice young lady angered at you for a lack of communication. Something completely avoidable and an event I am sure he paid for down the line.

Then things started to get a little less dicey. Cube realized that no police officers were in the area to do any racial profiling of him — which saved him from a possible situation that could have put a damper on his big date with Kim (last name retracted).

Thankfully, Cube decided to take his talents to the basketball court. It was there that the legendary game in which he earned a triple-double was played. Obviously we all know by now that Ice Cube ended with a great box-score, although, it doesn’t tell the full story.

Cube — who later compared himself to Michael Jordan — was essentially a combination of Monta Ellis and JR Smith before those two were a gleam on the basketball hardwood. If it were up to him, Cube would shoot four balls at once just so he can he raise his points total. To pretend that Cube was a team player would be the same as saying I know a single thing about rap — as neither thing is even remotely accurate. If we were going to be completely truthful, I have been told that Cube’s teammates compared his jumper to being less reliable as one of Chris Broussard’s “sources” — making his selfish brand of hoops that much more frustrating.

The box-score read like this, 30-10-10. That looks great, but it lacks the information that it took him 69 shots to get those 30 points. His assists came from teammates not getting the ball while Cube ran iso-Joe Johnson offense, then decided not to play defense and inevitably cherry-picked at the other side of the court. To be fair, though, his rebounds were hard-fought as he had to battle 5-foot-11 Marcus J. Norris underneath the boards.

What is even more troublesome is the fact that his team, The Club State Pool Cleaners, actually lost the game to their hated rivals, The University of Warmth. I mean, getting a triple-double is nearly as awesome as being in his 2004 masterpiece Torque. But if it results in a loss, it might as well have been a Tyler Perry production.

A nation needs to know the aftermath as well. Cube was so unaffected by the ‘L’ that he went straight to his buddy’s house and gambled! I understand taking his frustrations out, but hitting up a seven-eleven and then gambling — imagine if this had been Allen Iverson and not Ice Cube, talking heads would have wanted blood.

What followed after that was a night filled with drugs, philandering and not a single thought about his team falling short.

Years would go by and Cube’s individual great performance (really, only statically) became stuff of legends. Over time, it even made Cube such an icon that so many wanted to know his opinions about sports and what he thought about certain athletes. But let me remind all of you: Ice Cube got his triple-double in a losing effort and never apologized for it…

Now wonder Dwight Howard left.

Me, Twitter @JosephNardone

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