15 of Major League Baseball’s Biggest Idiots

15 of the MLB's Biggest Idiots

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There should be a sign in every MLB dugout that reads, ‘You don’t have to be smart to work here, but it helps’. Obviously intelligence is an asset in baseball, but several players prove over and over again that it is not a requirement.

This list is comprised of players and coaches who are currently in MLB, have recently lost their jobs, or recently retired. Before we get into it, I think we should give a dishonorable mention to someone who doesn’t exactly fit that category, but has set the idiocy bar extremely high for today’s guys. He hasn’t played since 2003, but on a list like this, it feels wrong not to include John Rocker. The former relief pitcher is not only an ignorant, prejudice piece of trash, but he is dumb enough to be open with it in interviews.

This is Rocker’s infamous response when asked if he would ever play for the New York Yankees or New York Mets in 1999. “I'd retire first. It's the most hectic, nerve-racking city. Imagine having to take the 7 train to the ballpark looking like you're riding through Beirut next to some kid with purple hair, next to some queer with AIDS, right next to some dude who just got out of jail for the fourth time, right next to some 20-year-old mom with four kids. It's depressing ... The biggest thing I don't like about New York are the foreigners. You can walk an entire block in Times Square and not hear anybody speaking English. Asians and Koreans and Vietnamese and Indians and Russians and Spanish people and everything up there. How the h--- did they get in this country?”

On top of this quote, the reporter also stated that Rocker mocked Asian women, and called teammate Randall Simon a ‘fat monkey’ during the interview. The fact he believes this garbage is bad enough, but what did this idiot think was going to happen after he said it? Did he think MLB was going to ignore it or that this was okay to say in an interview? I don’t know, but I can’t read this quote and imagine anybody being dumber than him.

Some people on this list are harmlessly stupid, and a few people on this list have done some dangerously dumb things, but I don’t think any have reached Rocker’s level just yet. You can be the judge. Here are 15 of baseball’s biggest idiots.

15. Bryce Harper

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I’ll admit I was much dumber than Harper when I was his age, but being young doesn’t get you a pass here. Earlier this season, the 20-year-old made a knee injury worse from trying to play through it, but Harper gained more notoriety last season from his response to a question he didn’t like. ‘That’s a clown question, bro,’ sounds like it came straight out of a frat party or an episode of the Jersey Shore. It’s not his fault though -- young almost always equals dumb. I’m sure he’ll look back and laugh at that comment someday.

14. Grant Balfour

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For some reason, playing professional sports seems to extend how long people act like an idiotic, drunken college kids. In 2010, Balfour was wrestling with his pitching coach and suffered an intercostal muscle strain that took him out of action for over a month. If you need more, he also likes to scream and curse at himself on the mound in an effort to fire himself up.

13. Robinson Cano

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If he didn’t want to put a Kansas City Royals player in the 2012 Home Run Derby, it would have been fine, but promising Kansas City he would and then changing his mind was pretty stupid. Then he had to add to it by blasting the fans for booing his family. How does this idiot figure that the Kansas City fans know what his family looks like?

The fact is they were booing anybody wearing Cano attire, and it could have been predicted by a person with any intelligence. When someone lifts the hopes of an entire fan base then goes back on his word, expect for him and anyone wearing that jersey to be booed.

12. Kendrys Morales

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On May 29, 2010, excitement from a walk-off grand slam against the Seattle Mariners caused Morales to jump on home plate in celebration with his teammates. The awkward landing resulted in Morales missing the rest of 2010 and all of the 2011 season. Granted, everybody gets excited after a walk-off homer, but if you lose over a year and a half to a celebration, it lands you on this list.

11. Mike Leake

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On Apr. 18, 2011, Leake was arrested for shoplifting six t-shirts from a Macy’s in Cincinnati. He had purchased six shirts earlier in the day, and claims he was trying to exchange them without dealing with any store employees. To put some icing on his idiot cake, he didn’t know the name of the ball park where he plays as he told the arresting officer he worked at ‘Reds Stadium’ instead of Great American Ball Park.

10. Brian Wilson

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If you listen to Wilson speak, you get a sense the flamboyant pitcher isn’t the sharpest knife, but he makes this list primarily because of his fascination with Machine, a character from the movie 8mm. Machine is an S&M character from a movie centered around snuff films, and for some reason, Wilson loves to reference him during interviews. It’s just a baffling, idiotic thing to do. There is a line between being eccentric and just being an idiot, and Wilson has definitely crossed it.

9. Joel Zumaya

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When you get sidelined by a video game, expect to make several lists like this. In his impressive 2006 rookie season, Zumaya was forced to miss the entire ALCS due to a sore wrist sustained from playing too much Guitar Hero. As a pitcher, he probably should’ve thought twice before engaging in one of the most carpal-tunnel-inducing activities possible during the playoffs.

8. Jack Maloof

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The former Royals hitting coach was optioned to the minors this season after losing 19 of 23 games largely due to a lack of power hitting. His comments on the subject the day before losing his job seemingly sealed his fate. "We try to stay down on the ball, be more line-drive oriented, and do more situational hitting at least through the first two or three rounds (at home) here. That's why I'm not overly concerned because I think we'll lead the league in fewest home runs again this year.”

Maloof tried to blame the spacious Kauffman Stadium for the lack of homers, but the fact that the Royals’ opponents had hit 32 homers compared to 11 for KC at the time cut holes through that defense. Hopefully Maloof has learned that when you're already on thin ice, publicly stating you're not overly concerned about one of your biggest failures is not the way to go.

7. Joba Chamberlain

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In 2012, Chamberlain landed on the DL due to an ankle injury he suffered while jumping on a trampoline. He was 26-years old and was jumping on a trampoline.

6. Miguel Cabrera

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On Feb. 16, 2011, Cabrera was driving drunk and forced at least two cars off the road. When the police found him with a smoking engine on the side of the road reeking of alcohol, he took out a bottle of scotch and drank from it in front of a deputy. While he was being arrested, he cursed at the officers and asked the ultimate egotistical question: ‘Do you know who I am?’

5. A.J. Pierzynski

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In 2004 during a spring training game with the San Francisco Giants, Pierzynski was hit in the groin by an errant ball. When trainer Stan Conte came to his aid and asked him how it felt, Pierzynski said ‘like this’ and kneed him in the groin. Despite multiple witnesses to the story, he still tries to deny it. But to his credit, he was able to figure out how stupid it was after doing it as evidenced by the shameless attempt to lie about it.

4. Ozzie Guillen

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Publicly calling Jay Mariotti a homophobic slur shows as much ignorance as anyone could, but if you need more, he also said he loves and respects Fidel Castro.

3. Manny Ramirez

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The famous ‘Manny being Manny’ slogan is basically a nice way of saying ‘Manny is acting like an eight-year old’. Hiding in the scoreboard or diving from left field to cut off a throw from the center fielder were pretty stupid acts, but one of his most ridiculous moments came on April 8, 2011 when he retired after just five games with the Tampa Bay Rays.

After receiving a 100-game suspension for testing positive for a performance-enhancing banned substance, Ramirez basically told MLB ‘you can’t suspend me because I quit.’ If the imbecile would have just served the suspension, he wouldn’t have to deal with it if he ever wanted to come back, and of course he wants to return now. He was doing nothing anyway. Why not get that suspension out of the way while he’s doing nothing? Because Manny is small, petty and the ultimate manchild.

2. Johnny Damon

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In his book Idiot: Beating “The Curse” and Enjoying the Game of Life, Damon admits to cheating on his first wife with several different women. He left the mother of his children and married one of those women, and painted his ex as a nagging, untrusting wife in his book. How can you criticize someone for being untrusting in the same book in which you admit to cheating on them?

There was no reason to do this. He doesn’t need the money from book sales, but I guess he just needed the attention. I can’t believe this idiot is too short-sighted to realize his kids will read this someday. Anything that happens to Damon is too good for him.

1. Alex Rodriguez

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Where to begin? You could write a book about all of A-Rod’s documented stupidity with the infidelity, steroids use and constant lies about steroid use. And for those who don’t think infidelity is stupid, A-Rod lost millions in a settlement with his ex-wife. If you can’t commit to one person, all you have to do is not agree to get married and you won’t risk losing up to half your assets.

Even dumber, after he has admitted to taking steroids earlier in his career, his defense from the recent Biogenesis scandal is that he was tricked into taking performance enhancers. He is stupid enough to try this despite having no answer for why he thought the drugs were so expensive, or why the transactions were so secretive. If you believe A-Rod was tricked into taking banned substances, you should look up -- because somebody wrote gullible on the ceiling.