By RanterX on November 14, 2013
If you’re a Star Wars fan, then you’re giddy with excitement about the announcement of the new trilogy that’s already in the works. The first of the third trilogy, 'Star Wars Episode VII The Force Awakens', is set to hit theaters on Dec. 18, 2015, and with that announcement, we couldn’t hide our nerdy side while discussing sports. So naturally, we decided to re-cast the most popular Star Wars characters with folks from the sports world!
The Viceroy was the double-crosser who got double-crossed. He tried to rob everyone and then cried to the authorities when he got caught, as if those who caught him were at fault. Sounds just like A-Rod’s story, doesn’t it? Pathetic.
Anakin Skywalker was extremely talented and had worlds of potential, but his problem was he knew that and let it get to his head. That was his ultimate downfall and that’s exactly why Alex Ovechkin will never win the Stanley Cup.
Like Lando Calrissian, Andy Murray is mostly an afterthought in the world of tennis, but how can you not like him?
Like the last female characters in this series, these two lovely ladies have two things in common: They’re very attractive and they can flat out ball(Parker)/fight(Padme).
Like Boss Nass, Andy Reid is an awesome leader whose mustache makes his words sound like the Boss’ slobbering statements when he makes his rulings.
Just like the Jawas, Baron Davis is the goofiest-looking thing who was relevant for like five minutes.
Like Count Duku, Chad Johnson thinks he really good, but he’s not. He also thinks everyone likes him, but they don’t. And now he wonders why he’s alone. But on the bright side, at least Ochocinco didn’t get his head chopped off like Duku.
Luke Skywalker was the very last of the Jedi, but he faced the tall order of taking down the evil empire. In the same sense, Andrew Luck is the last of a dying breed of smart, pocket passers and his goal is take down the evil empire of gimmick offenses like the read-option shame from taking over the NFL.
If there were ever two talented individuals who just didn’t give a damn, it was Han Solo and Charles Barkley. Both of these stars were reckless, cocky as heck, but they got the job done. Easy match.
The Ewoks didn’t get much attention in the series, but they were little, fuzzy, everyone loved them and they should have gotten way more credit for their part in the victory. Is that not a perfect description of Danny Woodhead?
Derek Holland is just like R2-D2 because he’s an underrated star who says extremely sarcastic, funny stuff under his breath in the background, but also gets the job done without receiving much credit.
This one was rather difficult, but when you hear Dwight Howard’s impersonation of Stan Van Gundy, you’ll see that he’s the perfect sports star to play Jar Jar Binks.
Mace Windu’s appearance in the Star Wars series was brief, but he made his presence known as a dominant force who could take down anyone. Floyd Mayweather is the same way in the boxing ring and he’s got Windu’s attitude to boot.
Here’s the main thing these two lovely ladies have in common: Their talent goes overlooked, but their hotness does not.
Now this one may seem funny at first, but Darth Maul is the JaMarcus Russell of Star Wars — he’s the biggest bust of all time. He was created as this awesome force to wreak havoc and then he was done after his first assignment.
Emperor Palpatine and Jerry Jones are the same person because they control everything, but they’re so blinded by their lust for power that they can’t see they’re the ones causing all the problems.
This one is pretty self-explanatory. One word: Bounty.
Like Admiral Ackbar, who better to tell us something is a trap than Manti Te’o?
It’s a shame Qui-Gon Jinn only appeared in one movie because he was one of the greatest characters in the history of Star Wars. Like Qui-Gon, Peyton Manning is a methodical thinker who can easily teach younger players/padawans and makes everyone around him better. Easy match.
Now we obviously had to pick someone tall to play Chewie, but Shaq is actually the ideal pick because he’s a big, funny dude who can really dominate when he wants to. Also, we can’t understand a word either of them says.
Obi-Wan Kenobi was overshadowed by the Skywalkers his whole life, but he was ultimately responsible for overthrowing the empire. Tim Duncan doesn’t get nearly the recognition of his peers, yet he’s one of the best power forwards — if not THE best — of all time.
You know that awkward character who is sometimes helpful and sometimes gets in the way, but is always awkwardly there? C-3PO’s sports counterpart is Tim Lincecum.
Like Yoda, Tony Dungy was a quiet, powerful force who was able to influence even the most lost of souls without being noticed.
Vince Wilfork isn’t the slob that Jabba the Hutt is, but he’s a straight up gangsta, which would make him the perfect choice to play the most feared Hutt on Tatooine.
Darth Vader was an evil force with a thirst for power and a loyalty problem. Does that not describe Nick Saban perfectly? He’s the driving force of the evil empire who isn’t afraid to jump ship — just ask the Dolphins.
May 28, 2015 by Brian Kalchik
Here are my rankings for the best Houston Texans Cheerleaders Freestyle Friday videos from the 2014 season. Read More
In honor of the 88th Scripps National Spelling Bee, here are some sports names that are really tough to spell. Read More
May 28, 2015 by Jerry Landry
Arnold Palmer has earned the honor, but why should he get all the refreshment glory? Read More
May 28, 2015 by RanterX
We may have found Tiger Wood's latest distraction, and she puts Lindsey Vonn to shame. Read More
Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones is up to his old antics, and no one is surprised. Read More
Here are 15 photos of Houston Texans DE J.J. Watt's girlfriend Caroline Wozniacki. Read More
May 27, 2015 by Hunter McIntyre
Even if you never plan to run an ultra marathon, these tips from Spartan Racer Hunter McIntyre will trip you out Read More
May 27, 2015 by Jerry Landry
A passionate argument may have crossed over into grisly and inexcusable territory. Read More