Clubhouse

Re-casting Star Wars With Athletes, Coaches and Sports Executives

Re-casting Star Wars With Athletes, Coaches and Sports Executives

Nick Saban Darth Vader
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

If you’re a Star Wars fan, then you’re giddy with excitement about the announcement of the new trilogy that’s already in the works. The first of the third trilogy, 'Star Wars Episode VII The Force Awakens', is set to hit theaters on Dec. 18, 2015, and with that announcement, we couldn’t hide our nerdy side while discussing sports. So naturally, we decided to re-cast the most popular Star Wars characters with folks from the sports world!

Alex Rodriguez as Viceroy Nute Gunray

Alex Rodriguez Viceroy Nute Gunray
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Alex Rodriguez as Viceroy Nute Gunray

Alex Rodriguez Viceroy Nute Gunray
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

The Viceroy was the double-crosser who got double-crossed. He tried to rob everyone and then cried to the authorities when he got caught, as if those who caught him were at fault. Sounds just like A-Rod’s story, doesn’t it? Pathetic.

Anakin Skywalker as Alex Ovechkin

Anakin Skywalker Alex Ovechkin
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Anakin Skywalker as Alex Ovechkin

Anakin Skywalker Alex Ovechkin
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Anakin Skywalker was extremely talented and had worlds of potential, but his problem was he knew that and let it get to his head. That was his ultimate downfall and that’s exactly why Alex Ovechkin will never win the Stanley Cup.

Andy Murray as Lando Calrissian

Andy Murray Lando Calrissian
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Andy Murray as Lando Calrissian

Andy Murray Lando Calrissian
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Like Lando Calrissian, Andy Murray is mostly an afterthought in the world of tennis, but how can you not like him?

Candace Parker as Padme Amidala

Candace Parker Padme Amidala
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Candace Parker as Padme Amidala

Candace Parker Padme Amidala
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Like the last female characters in this series, these two lovely ladies have two things in common: They’re very attractive and they can flat out ball(Parker)/fight(Padme).

Andy Reid as Boss Nass

Andy-Reid-Boss-Nass-Gungan
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Andy Reid as Boss Nass

Andy-Reid-Boss-Nass-Gungan
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Like Boss Nass, Andy Reid is an awesome leader whose mustache makes his words sound like the Boss’ slobbering statements when he makes his rulings.

Baron Davis as a Jawa

Baron Davis Jawa
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Baron Davis as a Jawa

Baron Davis Jawa
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Just like the Jawas, Baron Davis is the goofiest-looking thing who was relevant for like five minutes.

Chad Johnson Ochocinco as Count Duku

Chad Johnson Ochocinco Count Duku
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Chad Johnson Ochocinco as Count Duku

Chad Johnson Ochocinco Count Duku
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Like Count Duku, Chad Johnson thinks he really good, but he’s not. He also thinks everyone likes him, but they don’t. And now he wonders why he’s alone. But on the bright side, at least Ochocinco didn’t get his head chopped off like Duku.

Andrew Luck as Luke Skywalker

Andrew Luck Luke Skywalker
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Andrew Luck as Luke Skywalker

Andrew Luck Luke Skywalker
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Luke Skywalker was the very last of the Jedi, but he faced the tall order of taking down the evil empire. In the same sense, Andrew Luck is the last of a dying breed of smart, pocket passers and his goal is take down the evil empire of gimmick offenses like the read-option shame from taking over the NFL.

Charles Barkley as Han Solo

Charles Barkley Han Solo
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Charles Barkley as Han Solo

Charles Barkley Han Solo
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

If there were ever two talented individuals who just didn’t give a damn, it was Han Solo and Charles Barkley. Both of these stars were reckless, cocky as heck, but they got the job done. Easy match.

Danny Woodhead as an Ewok

Danny Woodhead Ewok
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Danny Woodhead as an Ewok

Danny Woodhead Ewok
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

The Ewoks didn’t get much attention in the series, but they were little, fuzzy, everyone loved them and they should have gotten way more credit for their part in the victory. Is that not a perfect description of Danny Woodhead?

Derek Holland as R2-D2

Derek Holland R2-D2
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Derek Holland as R2-D2

Derek Holland R2-D2
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Derek Holland is just like R2-D2 because he’s an underrated star who says extremely sarcastic, funny stuff under his breath in the background, but also gets the job done without receiving much credit.

Dwight Howard as Jar Jar Binks

Dwight Howard Jar Jar Binks
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Dwight Howard as Jar Jar Binks

Dwight Howard Jar Jar Binks
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

This one was rather difficult, but when you hear Dwight Howard’s impersonation of Stan Van Gundy, you’ll see that he’s the perfect sports star to play Jar Jar Binks.

Floyd Mayweather as Mace Windu

Floyd Mayweather Mace Windu
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Floyd Mayweather as Mace Windu

Floyd Mayweather Mace Windu
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Mace Windu’s appearance in the Star Wars series was brief, but he made his presence known as a dominant force who could take down anyone. Floyd Mayweather is the same way in the boxing ring and he’s got Windu’s attitude to boot.

Hope Solo as Princess Leia

Hope Solo Princess Leia
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Hope Solo as Princess Leia

Hope Solo Princess Leia
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Here’s the main thing these two lovely ladies have in common: Their talent goes overlooked, but their hotness does not.

JaMarcus Russell as Darth Maul

JaMarcus Russell Darth Maul
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

JaMarcus Russell as Darth Maul

JaMarcus Russell Darth Maul
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Now this one may seem funny at first, but Darth Maul is the JaMarcus Russell of Star Wars — he’s the biggest bust of all time. He was created as this awesome force to wreak havoc and then he was done after his first assignment.

Jerry Jones as Emperor Palpatine

Jerry Jones Emperor Palpatine
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Jerry Jones as Emperor Palpatine

Jerry Jones Emperor Palpatine
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Emperor Palpatine and Jerry Jones are the same person because they control everything, but they’re so blinded by their lust for power that they can’t see they’re the ones causing all the problems.

Jonathan Vilma as Boba Fett

Jonathan Vilma Boba Fett
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Jonathan Vilma as Boba Fett

Jonathan Vilma Boba Fett
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

This one is pretty self-explanatory. One word: Bounty.

Manti Te'o as Admiral Ackbar

Manti Te'o Admiral Ackbar
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Manti Te'o as Admiral Ackbar

Manti Te'o Admiral Ackbar
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Like Admiral Ackbar, who better to tell us something is a trap than Manti Te’o?

Peyton Manning as Qui-Gon Jinn

Peyton Manning Qui-Gon Jinn
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Peyton Manning as Qui-Gon Jinn

Peyton Manning Qui-Gon Jinn

It’s a shame Qui-Gon Jinn only appeared in one movie because he was one of the greatest characters in the history of Star Wars. Like Qui-Gon, Peyton Manning is a methodical thinker who can easily teach younger players/padawans and makes everyone around him better. Easy match.

Shaquille O'Neal as Chewbacca

Shaquille O'Neal Chewbacca
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Shaquille O'Neal as Chewbacca

Shaquille O'Neal Chewbacca
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Now we obviously had to pick someone tall to play Chewie, but Shaq is actually the ideal pick because he’s a big, funny dude who can really dominate when he wants to. Also, we can’t understand a word either of them says.

Tim Duncan as Obi-Wan Kenobi

Tim Duncan Obi-Wan Kenobi
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Tim Duncan as Obi-Wan Kenobi

Tim Duncan Obi-Wan Kenobi
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Obi-Wan Kenobi was overshadowed by the Skywalkers his whole life, but he was ultimately responsible for overthrowing the empire. Tim Duncan doesn’t get nearly the recognition of his peers, yet he’s one of the best power forwards — if not THE best — of all time.

Tim Lincecum as C-3PO

Tim Lincecum C-3PO
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Tim Lincecum as C-3PO

Tim Lincecum C-3PO
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

You know that awkward character who is sometimes helpful and sometimes gets in the way, but is always awkwardly there? C-3PO’s sports counterpart is Tim Lincecum.

Tony Dungy as Yoda

Tony Dungy Yoda
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Tony Dungy as Yoda

Tony Dungy Yoda
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Like Yoda, Tony Dungy was a quiet, powerful force who was able to influence even the most lost of souls without being noticed.

Vince Wilfork as Jabba the Hutt

Vince Wilfork Jabba the Hutt
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Vince Wilfork as Jabba the Hutt

Vince Wilfork Jabba the Hutt
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Vince Wilfork isn’t the slob that Jabba the Hutt is, but he’s a straight up gangsta, which would make him the perfect choice to play the most feared Hutt on Tatooine.

Nick Saban as Darth Vader

Nick Saban Darth Vader
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Nick Saban as Darth Vader

Nick Saban Darth Vader
Twitter/USA TODAY Sports

Darth Vader was an evil force with a thirst for power and a loyalty problem. Does that not describe Nick Saban perfectly? He’s the driving force of the evil empire who isn’t afraid to jump ship — just ask the Dolphins.