20 Ways to Prove You’re a Houston Sports Fan
20 Facts That Prove You're a Houston Sports Fan
Having grown up in Houston my entire life, it is only natural that I've grown to love my Houston teams. Though I may not root for the Houston Texans (the Oilers were too early for me, and my Dad was a die hard New York Giants fan, so it stuck), I can certainly appreciate some of the more painful moments you Oilers fans had to go through over the years. It hasn't got much easier with the Texans
The Astros haven't won a championship in their history and the Oilers/Texans combination has produced a grand total of 0 rings themselves. It's been a hard half a century for those franchises. Thankfully the Rockets let us taste glory, even if it comes with the asterisk of Michael Jordan's baseball career.
I must admit, when the Astros made it to the 2005 World Series for the first time in the franchise's history, I wasn't prepared for the incredible let down that would ensue. It made me hate the Chicago White Sox with everything I have. It was painful for a kid who grew up loving Frank Thomas. I vowed as soon as he retired, I would never like another White Sox player again. Even when drafting Chris Sale on my fantasy team, it was done with detest. I don't draft with my heart.
But enough about my hatred for that team that sucks. Let's take a look at 20 facts that prove you're a Houston sports fan.
You Think Bud Adams is the Worst Owner in Sports
From dismantling a great Oilers team in the 90s to firing Bum Phillips after three straight post season appearances to moving the Oilers to Tennessee, you absolutely cannot stand Bud Adams. You sometimes hope terrible things would happen to him because of the agony he caused you.
Just Hearing the Word "Bills" Makes You Shudder
The Comeback. Frank Reich. Andre Reed. Alright I'm done. Sorry for the torture. I know you'd rather be water boarded than read those three statements again.
Mario Elie Gets All the Drinks. Everywhere
His shot is forever burned in your memory, and if you ever saw Elie you know you'd offer to buy him a shot. Whatever shot he asked for, you'd make an uncomfortable joke about wishing there was a shot called "Kiss of Death" before he asked you to stop bothering him and his family.
You Recognize Dream's 93-94 Season as the Greatest Ever
MVP, Defensive MVP, Finals MVP. Never done before, never done since. Enough said. #GOAT
You Think Charles Barkley is the Most Overrated Player in NBA History
After the two glorious championship season by the Rockets, owner Les Alexander decided to go all Bud Adams on us and dismantle the team. He traded Sam Cassell, Robert Horry, Mark Bryant and Chucky Brown all for an aging Charles Barkley. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?! It ended up not working as the team chemistry was completely gone. It was the reason the Rockets won those two titles, and Alexander decided he'd rather have Barkley than one of the top young point guards in the game and the greatest clutch shooter/role player of our generation. I can't even go on without smashing something. I'll stop.
You Pretend You're Better Off Than Cubs Fans
I'm sorry Astros fans, but at least the Cubs won a World Series, even if it was 100 years ago. The Astros have never won it, period, so let's stop pretending Cubs fans are worse off.
"Twin Towers" Doesn't Apply to Those Guys Out West
When you hear "Twin Towers," only one post tandem comes to mind. You pretend the other one never existed.
You Think Brad Lidge Sucks
You may have been a fan at some point in time, but now you think Brad Lidge is close to the worst thing the Astros ever did as an organization. Or some version of that.
You Have an Unused Broom In a Safe Hiding Place
It was either brand new, or you stopped using it after the '95 Finals. Either way, it's in your house somewhere.
You Hate Geoff Blum
You have an irrational hatred for someone who had a mediocre baseball career. In fact, looking at this picture makes you sick to your stomach. You secretly hated him when he played for the Astros.
You (Correctly) Believe Hakeem > Shaq
Nobody will be able to convince you Shaq was better than Hakeem. Or any other center that ever played, for that matter. I won't even go into the reasons why, because you know. You know.
You Will Never Forgive John Stockton
I still have nightmares about that shot. Screw you, Stockton. Enjoy your 0 championship rings.
You Think Terry Bradshaw is Overrated
Though there are people out there who may agree with you, you never miss out on a chance to tell somehow how overrated this guy is. You can't stand the sight of him and think he has no business analyzing any kind of football, much less the NFL.
Ralph Sampson Will Forever Be a Hero to You
No description necessary. That shot was incredible.
You Hate Gary Carter
How did this guy get that hit? He couldn't hit the broad side of a barn in the series, yet gets that hit?
(In all seriousness, much respect to the Kid. R.I.P.)
You Hate Lenny Dykstra
This isn't much of a stretch. How the hell did this guy hit that home run?? He had eight home runs in '86. He finished his career with 81. His game winner was about one percent of all the home runs he hit in his career. Not only that, but he turned out to be kind of a loose cannon and ended up in jail. Plus he was mentioned on the Mitchell report for steroid use. This guy sucks, and you know it.
You Will Never Forget Vernon Perry
This one is a bit more obscure and for the older folks (I couldn't even find a picture, hence Archie Manning in front of you right now), but anyone who knows about Vernon Perry's game in the 1979 playoff season will never forget it. The guy had FOUR interceptions AND a blocked field goal against the Chargers in a playoff game. It's one of the greatest defensive performances in playoff history.
You Don't See What the Fuss is About Larry Bird
Sure, you recognize him as a great player, and someone else can call it sour grapes or whatever they want to call it, but you just don't see what the big deal about Larry Bird is. He could be a top 20 player all time, but should he have won more with all that talent around him? Probably. All you can do is picture Dream with that talent and how many rings he would have piled on.
You Hate Scott Podsednik
Of all the losers who have game winning home runs off the Astros, this guy's may be the worst. Not only did he burn them in the World Series, but he had ZERO home runs during the 2005 season. ZERO!!!! If that doesn't kill ya, he had FIVE home runs in the regular season in three years with the White Sox. This also reenforces your hatred of Brad Lidge.
You Think the Oilers Were Robbed in '79
Had Earl Campbell been 100 percent healthy, the Oilers would have won it all. This is something you will never give up no matter what kind of stats someone throws at you. Also, Bum Phillips is a hero to you.