By Rex Sheild @RexfordJunior on April 2, 2014
You've been with your girlfriend for quite some time now. Of course, you're both comfortable around each other and tell each other almost anything and everything, but the going gets tough when she gets an eye on athletes who treat their body like goddesses. Unfortunately, these 15 athletes would end your relationship pretty quickly and make you feel like an afterthought.
There's no hotter guy to lead off with than Mr. Stud, David Beckham. He has been a fixture on girls' walls for the better part of the 2000s. Even though the he has recently hung up the cleats and ventured toward owning his own MLS team, he's got everything a girl can ask for.
The former USC Trojan may be nine years removed from his Heisman Trophy days, but I'm sure your girlfriend would have no problem seeing past his cheating ways. He's fast, quick, and always evades opposing defenders. You're not stopping, Mr. Bush.
While you're sitting in a cubicle surfing through fantasy football sites, Decker is basking in his new five-year, .25 million contract with the New York Jets. Before departing for the Big Apple, Decker was privileged enough to catch balls from Hall-of-Fame quarterback Peyton Manning in Denver. In this case, your girlfriend is like Peyton Manning and you're like Ryan Leaf: you have no shot.
The Los Angeles Dodgers center fielder makes plays each and every night. Don't take your girlfriend to a Dodgers game, or a game when the squad visits your home ballpark; once your lovely lady sees Kemp strike a smile, it's game over.
If your girlfriend isn't the biggest fan of facial hair, you may be in the clear. Oh, who am I kidding -- the former UCLA star is as genuine as they come, as displayed in his charity work and postgame interviews. The biggest catch that draws your girlfriend to his beauty? His sharp dress. You can't compete with that, even if you think your suit is "good enough."
Coming out of high school, Mauer was privileged enough to get to decide between playing college football or professional baseball. Okay, so he's an multi-sport athlete, you were probably a multi-sport athletes as well during your heyday. The difference? A lot of things, but the handsome chap has the backside of a stallion. Looks like those squats you did in high school and college were all for nothing.
You're thinking to yourself, 'This guy, the punter!?' For starters, let's remember that punters are people, too. Secondly, and most importantly, the Carolina Panthers specialist has the brains and looks that will make your girlfriend realize you're about as smart and good looking as Homer Simpson. Nortman graduated from UW-Madison with a degree in accounting and was fifth in net punting average in 2013.
Jealousy is normal in a relationship, but it might be at an all-time high when Parise sweeps your girlfriend off her feet. If a shootout was designed to see who would get the girl, Parise would make you look like Goldberg from the Mighty Ducks.
Despite being an NBA All-Star, the Wake Forest product wows the women, including your girlfriend, with his charismatic attitude with his kids and beaming smile wider than the Pacific Ocean. Plus, he throws alley-oops to Blake Griffin. Your addiction to NBA 2K isn't even comparable.
Peterson is the closest representation of a perfect male specimen that you will find out on the playing field. He's a beast at running the football, and is an all-around playmaker on the gridiron and with the ladies. When you meet him between the trenches of your relationship, you're not winning. Heck, your girlfriend might even block for him.
Save yourself the grief and frustration. Ronaldo could snap his fingers toward your girlfriend, and she'll be gone faster than a roadrunner.
You may have had a slight edge over Scott as he often floundered in the clutch. Rest assured, your case is over with the PGA golfer adding a Masters green jacket to his trophy case. Those pearly whites and his well-dressed manner are too much to overcome.
Miami Marlins OF Giancarlo Stanton is chiseled like a rock and hits the top off the ball. Plus, he gets home runs as if it's batting practice every game and chicks dig the long ball. Your pseudo 'home run' with your girlfriend, told to you by close friends and family, compares to wiffle ball when she gets her hands on Stanton.
'But sweetheart, he gets his teeth knocked out a lot. Come on, I'm better than that.' Toews could have all of his teeth knocked out, but there's no denying love between two people and his looks will knock your girlfriend's socks off. As in the words of Happy Gilmore's hockey coach: 'Better luck next year.'
I advise you not to beat up Toews like Gilmore did because your scrawny arms are nothing when you look at his tightly-honed body.
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