15 Funniest Athlete Quotes Of All Time

By Nicholas A. Marsico

15 Funniest Athlete Quotes Of All Time

Shaquille O'Neal — Professional athletes have it pretty good. They get paid to play a game that they generally grew up loving. Some of them are not only blessed with the talent and ability to make it to this level, but with the wit and sense of humor to spread laughter. Some of them are just mean or dumb, but funny nonetheless.

Dishonorable Mention - George Steinbrenner: "Fat Toad"

Cleveland Indians v New York Yankees george steinbrenner

Dishonorable Mention - George Steinbrenner: Fat Toad

Cleveland Indians v New York Yankees george steinbrenner — During Spring Training in 1999, former Yankees pitcher Hideki Irabu failed to cover first base on a ground ball. Steinbrenner, who was tired of what he called Irabu's lazy behavior, went on a rant and said the pitcher looked like "a toad out there." It was pretty funny at the time, and Steinbrenner apologized for the statement that continued Hideki's alleged mistreatment from the boss.

Honorable Mention - Pat Williams: We Can't Win Anywhere

Grant Hill #33/''Doc'' Rivers

Honorable Mention - Pat Williams: We Can't Win Anywhere

Grant Hill #33/''Doc'' Rivers — The Orlando Magic didn't have a good team back in 1992. Their General Manager was pretty upset about their 7-27 record at the time, so talking to the media, he said: "We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play."

Honorable Mention - Terry Crisp: Custer's Last Stand

Toronto Maple Leafs v Tampa Bay Lightning

Honorable Mention - Terry Crisp: Custer's Last Stand

Toronto Maple Leafs v Tampa Bay Lightning — Coaches are really good at insulting their own teams, especially after particularly bad losses. After his team lost to the Calgary Flames 10-0, Tampa Bay Lightning coach Terry Crisp said: "The only difference between this and Custer's last stand was Custer didn't have to look at the tape afterwards." Harsh.

Honorable Mention - Yeah, You Just Said That

Arnold Palmer Invitational presented by MasterCard - Preview Day 3

Honorable Mention - Yeah, You Just Said That

Arnold Palmer Invitational presented by MasterCard - Preview Day 3 — Clearly not thinking about what he was about to say, a commentator at the US Open was speaking about Arnold Palmer when he let out this gem: "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my God, what have I just said?"

15. Matt Millen: Your Momma

matt millen

15. Matt Millen: Your Momma

matt millen — Super Bowl XVIII was to be contested between the Raiders and the Redskins. Redskins lineman Joe Jacoby said he would run over his mother to win the big one. Raiders linebacker Matt Millen's response: "To Win, I'd run over Joe's mom, too." Classic.

14. Bum Phillips: Take My Wife, Please

Bum Phillips

14. Bum Phillips: Take My Wife, Please

Bum Phillips — A reporter asked former Houston Oilers coach Bum Phillips why he brought his wife on the road with him. His reply: "Because she is too ugly to kiss goodbye." I wonder if he ever did comedy shows along with Henny Youngman.

13. Phil Rizzuto: Handshakes

Phil Rizzuto

13. Phil Rizzuto: Handshakes

Phil Rizzuto — Baseball Hall-of-Famer and one of the greatest baseball commentators of all time, the Scooter was full of comedic gems. One of his classics was, "I'm glad I don't play anymore. I could never learn all of those handshakes."

12. Charles Barkley: Shoes

Charles Barkley and Shaq

12. Charles Barkley: Shoes

Charles Barkley — Barkley decided to be completely straightforward regarding his new shoes: "These are my new shoes. They're good shoes. They won't make you rich like me, they won't make you rebound like me, they definitely won't make you handsome like me. They'll only make you have shoes like me. That's it."

11. Shaquille O'Neal: Intelligence

Shaquille O'neal

11. Shaquille O'Neal: Intelligence

Shaquille O'Neal — Shaq is a very smart guy and has made a second career as a broadcaster and TV host. Here's what he had to say about his smarts: "I made a 1,600 minus 800 minus 200 on the SAT, so I'm very intelligent when I speak."

10. Tug McGraw: Grass

Tug McGraw

10. Tug McGraw: Grass

Tug McGraw — Former New York Mets pitcher Tug McGraw was asked about his preference between grass and Astroturf. His response is one for the ages: "I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf."

9. Rocky Graziano: School

Boxing Ring-Joe Camporeale-USA TODAY Sports

9. Rocky Graziano: School

Boxing Ring — Heavyweight boxing legend Rocky Graziano didn't make it very far in school, but he explained why, saying, "I quit school in the sixth grade because of pneumonia. Not because I had it, but because I couldn't spell it."

8. Muhammad Ali: All In A Day's Work

American Heavyweight boxer Cassius Clay (later Muhammad Ali) defends his World Heavyweight Boxing titleagainst Floyd Patterson in las Vegas, 27th November 1965. Clay won in the 12th round when the referee stopped the fight. (Photo by Central Press/Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

8. Muhammad Ali: All In A Day's Work

American Heavyweight boxer Cassius Clay (later Muhammad Ali) defends his World Heavyweight Boxing titleagainst Floyd Patterson in las Vegas, 27th November 1965. Clay won in the 12th round when the referee stopped the fight. (Photo by Central Press/Hulton Archive/Getty Images) — The always eloquent Ali, one of the best in the ring and possibly the best when it came to talking smack, had this to say about what he does for a living: "It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up."

7. Bob Uecker: End Of His Career

Chicago Cubs v Milwaukee Brewers

7. Bob Uecker: End Of His Career

Chicago Cubs v Milwaukee Brewers — One of the sport's legendary funnymen, former ballplayer and MLB commentator Bob Uecker explained when he knew he had to hang it up: "I knew when my career was over. In 1965, my baseball card came out with no picture."

6. Vitas Gerulaitis: Losing Streak

10 best moments US Open Tennis

6. Vitas Gerulaitis: Losing Streak

10 best moments US Open Tennis — Lithuanian pro tennis player Vitas Gerulaitis isn't the most well known tennis player ever, but he certainly wasn't a sore loser. After finally defeating rival Jimmy Connors at the Masters in 1980 following 16 straight defeats, he said, "And let that be a lesson to you all. Nobody beats Vitas Gerulaitis 17 times in a row." That's the right attitude!

5. Yogi Berra: Utensils

2012 Baseball Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony

5. Yogi Berra: Utensils

2012 Baseball Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony — If you are looking for funny and ridiculous quotes, look no further than Yogi Berra, who said, "If you come to a fork in the road, take it." Sound advice.

4. Tommy Lasorda: The Locker Room

Tommy Lasorda

4. Tommy Lasorda: The Locker Room

Tommy Lasorda — Legendary manager Tommy Lasorda was never one to miss an opportunity to comment on something. He once said, "I walk into the clubhouse today and it's like walking into the Mayo Clinic. We have four doctors, three therapists and five trainers. Back when I broke in, we had one trainer who carried a bottle of rubbing alcohol, and by the seventh inning he'd already drunk it."

3. Mickey Rivers: Reggie's IQ Is What?

Mickey Rivers

3. Mickey Rivers: Reggie's IQ Is What?

Mickey Rivers — After being told that teammate Reggie Jackson had an IQ of 165, he asked the question any incredulous man would ask in that situation: "Out of what? A thousand?"

2. Earl Weaver: Second Chances

Earl Weaver

2. Earl Weaver: Second Chances

Earl Weaver — Former Baltimore Orioles manager Earl Weaver wasn't particularly happy with one of his pitchers, and said, "I gave Mike Cuellar more chances than I gave my first wife."

1. Luke Sewell: Dog Days

dog baseball st. louis browns

1. Luke Sewell: Dog Days

dog baseball st. louis browns — The St. Louis Browns are the team that eventually became the Baltimore Orioles. In 1943, a sportswriter compared manager Luke Sewell's team to dogs. Sewell responded with a heck of a zinger that summed up how he felt about his team's poor performance: "Don't call 'em dogs. Dogs are loyal and they run after balls." That's a man who knows how to insult his own team.

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