Okay, so the title may not be as interesting as it sounds. Sports announcers tend to have slip-ups with athlete names but CSN’s Susannah Collins made a little bit different mistake. Let’s just say that she acknowledged the Chicago Blackhawks‘ success this season due to the amount of sex that they’ve had. This is one [...]
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Ever date an athlete before? No? Well, as a former athlete myself, let me tell you they can be a strange breed.
It’s not like meeting up with a normal person because that would be far too simple. Athletes have to have their dates catered to their every wish and whim and anything short will result in complete desertion. There are ways for you to avoid this, though. Make sure you have remembered by heart every single one of their achievements, awards, divorces and whatever else you receive on the form they will fax you prior to the date.
Know that you can answer up to three questions wrong before he screams at you for not caring about who he is as a person and calls his limo driver Courtney to come pick him up. If you manage to pass the preliminary round of questioning, then it’s on to the actual date where the athletes personalities will shine the brightest.
Are you going on a date with a middle linebacker? Then prepare to eat raw meat in a forest. Are you going on a date with a quarterback? Then prepare to stand in line while six other women go on a date with him first. Is it a hockey player? Then prepare to tell your parents that you might not be coming home for the next two months. Is it Rajon Rondo? Then prepare to eat sushi and Gatorade every waking moment of your now miserable life. If you choose to continue this far, I warn you very very sternly, these are the five worst athletes you can date.
Very pricey date. He will take you to a place you can’t pronounce and then argue with you about the monetary value of rice before insulting your father’s taste in luxury cars.
He’ll take you to any college bar in the immediate area. When you get there, he’ll say a password at the door that gets both of you into his underground fight club where he’ll brag about his martial arts skills before getting assaulted into the hospital in 0.5 seconds by a Samoan named Musaku.
Harrison enjoys going to movies, very affordable. After the movie, he will question you on the gender of free weights and ramble uncontrollably about different advantages pieces have in monopoly. He will then rip out three of his teeth and hand them to you. These are tracking devices. if you take them, he will find you. Just politely decline.
Bring a helmet. Ovechkin will pick you up in a scooter and then drive through a wall of vodka bottles while chanting “In Soviet Russia, car drive you!” If you haven’t jumped out at this point, he will suggest buying a lawnmower and riding it through a religious congregation of your choice. Don’t do this either. Two denials and he’ll take you to Chuck E. Cheese's where he will pass out in a ball pit after 15 minutes, this is when you escape.
Joe Flacco will pick you up in an SUV and drive you to a tennis court where he will stare at a fence for three hours laughing hysterically.
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The Boston Red Sox and Boston Bruins were both forced to postpone their Friday night contests amid the ongoing manhunt in the city. The Red Sox were preparing for their first home game since Monday afternoon in which they won in walk-off fashion shortly before two twin bombings exploded at the finish line of the [...]
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It’s been an emotional last couple of days in Boston as the city continues to recover from Monday’s tragic events at the Boston Marathon in which three people were left dead and over 170 injured. Once again, these tragic times have united our country to a whole new level as people across the country have [...]
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A 15-game winning streak is pretty impressive regardless of the sport you’re playing in, but when that sport is the NBA, it’s even more impressive. The NBA has become so star-driven to the point where you only need one or two superstars to change the course of your fortunes as a franchise, but since a [...]
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The Chicago Blackhawks have ripped off 22 games in a row without taking a loss, and it’s the most impressive active streak in sports this year. Yes, even more so than the Miami Heat‘s current 15-game winning streak. The Blackhawks are playing out of their minds on both sides of the rink, between scoring 70 [...]
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Believe it or not, ESPN is not the best outlet to find coverage of the NHL. Ever since the company decided to retain rights to the broadcasts, they have gone out of their way to avoid talking about the sport. However, the Chicago Blackhawks have forced the channel to cover the sport with their impressive [...]
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Back in January of this year when the abbreviated NHL season began, the Vancouver Canucks started their search for a new song the players could skate onto the ice to, calling it “Project NU2.” The current song, U2′s “Where the Streets Have No Name,” will still be among the songs played in rotation for the [...]
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Instead of hitting the ice this past Monday, a few of the Vancouver Canucks hit the gym and not just to perform the typical, routine exercises and weight training. Rather, it was to hit the mats and do some yoga. Canucks captain, Henrik Sedin, told the Calgary Herald: “This year is the first time we’ve done it and [...]
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If you look at the rules for all of the four major sports, you’ll find that their suspensions rules all differ when it comes to getting into trouble off the field. Whether it is illegal drugs, performance enhancing drugs or being arrested for any reason, each sport has a different way of handling the punishment. If [...]
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