Alex Rodriguez: Supercharged and Ready to Go

By d.j. Stockton

Since Alex Rodriguez’s name was linked to steroid use there have been winds of change towards people’s attitude to him.  That includes people in baseball who couldn’t wait for A-Rod to approach Barry Bonds’ career home run record but now they politely gloss over his name in discussion and move right to other power hitters like Ryan Howard or Albert Pujols.  It’s apparent that Alex Rodriguez no longer is the player he used to be, which should surprise no one because who would be the same after being fed popcorn by Cameron Diaz on national TV?  I wonder if Justin Timberlake was jealous at all or had he already had that pleasure?  Lucky for us the media has moved far away from that incident but not good for Alex Rodriguez because they’ve somewhat forgotten about him.  Or last they have here in the Midwest.


Rodriguez will enter the season as the active career leader in home runs with 629 which is nothing to be shy about but let’s just hope he doesn’t read that and start boasting about it because that wouldn’t be very professional and his public relations manager might smack him or even worse throw popcorn at him.  And even though he only hit 16 round trippers last year, which is nothing to boast about, I feel that he will hit more than that this year and return to that 30 homer plateau that has severely missed him or maybe it’s the other way around.


Regardless of what he does in the coming season, he will still be cashing those pay checks that will add up to over $30 million which will help him pay for that offseason treatment he had done in Germany on his left shoulder and right knee called Orthokine.  The treatment is approved in the US, so why didn’t he have it done here?  No need to wonder why our economy is hurting with all these athletes getting their medical treatments done out of the country, how else are doctors supposed to pay off their medical school loans?  But maybe it’s the FDA’s fault.  The treatment was recommended by that famous guard for the Lakers, oh what’s his name?  Right, Kobe Bryant, the two have become pals according to sources because we really need to know that A-Rod is hanging out with Kobe and not Cameron Diaz or Torrie Wilson.  But the treatment (prepare for the gory details) takes the patient’s blood and extracts a certain protein, incubates and supercharges it, and injects it back into the affected area which essentially can cure arthritis (or so the doctor claims).  Needless to say, A-Rod will be perfectly healthy to start the season.


Yankee fans are going to be expecting big things out of Rodriguez for the 2012 season.  Hopefully with his supercharged knee and shoulder he will draw even closer to that home run record even if he is just another doping power hitter.  Maybe one day he reaches that illustrious record of 762 home runs and breaks it so we can argue who was the better doper, him or Bonds.  One thing is for sure, A-Rod could start sacrificing chickens before the game and as long as the Yankees win the World Series, no one in New York would care, except maybe PETA but they can be bought off.  They didn’t have a problem with Wade Boggs eating chicken before each game so what’s the difference?


Regardless, good luck to you Alex, I’m sure you’ll do just fine.  After all, you’re supercharged now.

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