Bryce Harper ripped his seventh home run of the season for the Washington Nationals, a titanic blast, en route to a relatively easy 4-2 victory over the Toronto Blue Jays, then popped off to a Canadian reporter. “That’s a clown question, bro” enters the lexicon with all the pomp of a phrase likely to follow him for the rest of 2012 until the young phenom says something that stirs the Internet’s drink a little harder. Granted, asking the 19 year-old Harper what his favorite beer is and whether he’ll imbibe (since its legal in Canada at 19) is rather clownish but it got me considering other ways the media should pester Harper. After all, he’s making more headlines today for his post-game response than the Nationals are for being 14 games over .500.
Reporter in Atlanta: Bryce, east coast or west coast rap?
Harper: (blank stare)…straight cash homey.
Reporter in New York: Bryce, catch any of the Tony award-winning plays this year?
Harper: Not into bromances.
Reporter in Los Angeles: Bryce, interested in Lindsey Lohan?
Harper: Question’s riddled with venereal disease, chump.
Reporter in Milwaukee: Bryce, touring any breweries while in town?
Harper: Like my cholesterol lower than my batting average, chief.
Reporter in Miami: Bryce, what’s your take on Cuba?
Harper: Nice try, bromigo.
Reporter in San Francisco: Bryce, invested in a start-up or perhaps intrigued by mine?
Harper: Bro code isn’t written in Java, nerd.
Reporter in Houston: Bryce, sampled any of the sterling Tex-Mex in town?
Harper: No. This brochacho only like runs on the field.
As Harper continues his torrid pace, he’ll listen to more and more repetitive questions in cities across the country. We can only hope that his responses are as dismissive and unintentionally hilarious as last night.