I Hate Bryce Harper
I have a confession to make and no it’s not that I kissed and told about a non-existent relationship with Paris Hilton. Though that would make a good story and maybe even get me a book deal but it certainly wouldn’t get me a spot with ESPN but maybe one on E!. So I guess there would be positives and negatives if I lied about hooking up with Paris Hilton with the main negative thing being that I would be sued for all I’m worth, which lucky for me, I’m not worth much. But let’s not talk about me, let’s talk about this confession, which I suppose is still about me. So here goes, I hate Bryce Harper. That’s it, I said it, let the hate mail come, let people come and tell me that I know nothing about baseball and should hang myself in my closet by my least favorite tie or have my toenails pulled out or even worse. . . never watch baseball again. . .
Let me tell you why I hate Bryce Harper before you nominate me for crucifixion. HE HASN’T DONE ANYTHING YET! Yes, he’s a 19 year old phenom who last time I checked wasn’t hitting .300 and wasn’t leading the league in anything except popularity contests and who would have thought that ColeHamels is leading the charge. The worse part about it is that he will end up at the All-Star Game and he doesn’t belong there.
Don’t get me wrong, I see what the scouts see and agree that he is going to be a great player but he isn’t one now. It is similar to how Lebron James called himself “King James,” when he doesn’t even have royalty in his blood (I know, I’ve checked) and only recently won the NBA Championship with one heck of a supporting cast. We don’t live in a monarchy and we certainly don’t have kings but before you know it Bryce Harper will be elevated to king status or even worse. . . get Presidential Election Votes. The good news is that even if he did win the election come November, he couldn’t take office because HE’S ONLY 19, so let me just breathe a sigh of relief.
Glad we got that out of the way. Bryce Harper is going to be a stud in the Major Leagues for hopefully a long time but let’s not quite anoint him the next MVP or superstar just yet. Let’s see if he can avoid the notorious “sophomore slump” or “junior jinx” or “senior. . . whatever” you get the point. Let’s just wait and see what Bryce Harper can do beside come up with great catchphrases, which in case you didn’t know is copyrighting it so be careful next time you tell someone they asked you a “clown question” because it might just cost you more than a few syllables. And what that tells me is he has a good agent and/or lawyer.
Major League Baseball doesn’t have too many 19 year olds come along and produce. While he may be the best teenager in the Bigs, he is not the best player who is 20 or under because there’s a guy in Anaheim who is hitting nearly .340. But this isn’t about Mike Trout.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t really hate Bryce Harper because hate is such a strong word. But what I do hate is all the attention he is getting because likeI’ve stated before: HE HASN’T DONE ANYTHING. So people, just take a step back and let Bryce Harper be whatever he is at the moment instead of the player he will be in the future. Or else the next headline you read might be something like this: “Bryce Harper Stepped on a Crack and Didn’t Break His Momma’s Back.”