Lately, I’ve heard a few rumors about Quintin Berry not making the cut for the Detroit Tigers‘ 25-man roster to start this season. I don’t know who these people are who keep saying such things; maybe they’re just ignorant, maybe they’re just lonely divorcées who want someone to argue with again, or maybe they’re all just spurned Quintin Berry lovers, desperately trying to protect other women through cultivating such slander.
Let it be known to the Anti-Berry movement that I am extremely pro-Berry. I don’t stop at the Tigers’ Berry either; no, I’m pro-Barry Manilow, pro-Dave Barry, pro-Crunch Berrie—I think you see my point, and I’m no Matthew Perry, so I won’t go on.
For the Tigers, Berry is an extremely useful player and should undoubtedly be with them on April 1st when they start the season against the Minnesota Twins. Currently, he’s listed as the backup center and left fielder. I’m no baseball expert, but I’m going to guess that guess Berry could also relieve Torii Hunter in right field, if called upon.
Berry’s utility doesn’t stop at how his ability to shag balls. No, the man’s speed, his main weapon, makes him an offensive threat every time he picks up the bat or comes in to pinch run. In his MLB debut last season he bunted for a double as his first big-league hit. That’s the equivalent of shooting a unicorn the first time you go hunting or going to your first magic show and meeting a magician who doesn’t owe alimony.
Also, much like myself, Berry was never thrown out trying to steal a base during all of last season. However, unlike my pasty, uncoordinated self, Berry actually played on a MLB team last season, and actually went 23 for 23 in stolen base attempts.
In the end, I have confidence the Tigers will make the correct – and obvious – decision, and Berry will be with them on their Opening Day roster. He won’t be in the starting lineup, but he will be there if he needs to be called upon.
As a bonus, the more Berry plays, the more Nas QB references I’ll get to make this season.