Detroit Tigers, Dave Dombrowski Still Undecided About Fifth Starter

While appearing at a luncheon put on by the Detroit Sports Broadcasters’ Association today, Detroit Tigers GM Dave Dombrowski was asked about who would take the fifth spot in the Tigers’ 2013 rotation.

Calmly, yet emphatically, Dombrowski peered into the now petrified eyes of his inquisitor, downed his mug of lunch whiskey, put out his cigar rolled with part of the Magna Carta and explained “We have a strong number five in either Rick Porcello or Drew Smyly.”

Brilliant politician-speak, Dombrowski: providing an answer to a question of large magnitude while, in actuality, merely restating what everyone already knew.

Now, Dombrowski didn’t give an enigmatic answer just because he loves public mysteries or because he’s a junkie for drama. No, Dombrowski didn’t give a clear answer because nobody knows the answer to that question yet. Smyly and Porcello are only 23 and 24 respectively. They are still considered to have not yet achieved their full potential as starting pitchers.

We’re still optimistic about the players the two can develop into. You can bet if the Tigers were expecting to finish below .500, instead of being picked to win the division, this season their beautiful, mustachioed skipper would have no problem giving Smyly and Porcello each a spot in the rotation to give them big-league experience and better discern what caliber of pitchers they have.

It’s a great problem to have two such quality performers competing for the fifth rotation spot. Honestly, Jim Leyland, I know you’ll never read this, because I seriously doubt you know how to use a computer or surf the Internet, but let me tell you, assuming they are both available, it’s not going to be easy to make that decision before the Tigers’ fifth game of the season.

Don’t worry, world. We may be able to figure it out sooner. Feb. 12, the first day Tigers’ pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training, is coming. I know, it’s more exciting than Christmas—we’re talking about our Boys of Summer suiting back up and making another run at a world championship.

Plus, Christmas sucks because you have to spend it with your obnoxious, sticky children.