DWI, Lottery Tickets and Todd Helton's Idiotic Night

By maxselim
Chris Humphreys-USA TODAY Sports

Colorado Rockies first baseman Todd Helton was arrested for drunk driving.

I always have mixed feelings when an athlete gets a DWI. I mean, driving while drunk is always an example of terrible judgment, but should they be held to a different standard than normal people who exercise terrible judgment?

On one hand, they’re just human like the rest of us–susceptible to making crappy decisions. But on the other hand, they have lots of resources unlike the rest of us. Like, pretty much anyone playing professional sports should be able to afford a cab or even employ a full-time driver to pick them up from the bar. And while DWIs are never funny, the circumstances surrounding this story are hilarious.

There are a few things that make this story hilarious. First is his mugshot. If you haven’t seen it, google: Todd Helton mugshot. It gives Nick Nolte a run for his money. Secondly, he wasn’t speeding around in his Bentley or Porsche, but swerving around in his Ford F-150. Lastly, he wasn’t leaving the club, rather, he was just running to the convenience store.

Police reports say Helton made a drunken run to buy some lottery tickets. What? The future Hall of Famer, who once signed a $141.5 dollar contract, was buying lottery tickets? The guy already won the lottery–he’s a Major League Baseball player. This spur-of-the-moment lottery ticket purchase couldn’t wait until the next morning?

Helton, who before this point had an unblemished record, both on and off the field, is going to have some explaining to do. It seems bizarre that he was at his house getting trashed, was suddenly inspired to buy some lottery tickets and Hot Cheetos and hopped into his Ford and swirved his way to the nearest convenience store. Apparently his driving was so bad, neighbors looking out their windows called the police and reported him.

This whole story walks the line between hilarious and idiotic–maybe both. Whatever his motives, it’s probably not the way he wanted to start his 2013–the last year of the 39 year-old’s contract. Hopefully for Rockies‘ fans, the rest of his swan song will go a bit more smoothly.


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