5 Detroit Tigers New Year’s Resolutions
5 Detroit Tigers New Year's Resolutions
A new year is upon us, and people are filled with the hopes and dreams of what 2014 could bring. Many people make resolutions with each upcoming year to try and better themselves while also thinking of ways to make their lives happier and more effective. That sentiment shouldn't just be for people; it can also apply to teams, and from that perspective I give you 5 New Year's Resolutions for the Detroit Tigers .
Now a lot of people have too lofty of resolutions and fail before the calendar even turns into February, so I decided not to go to extravagant in making the resolutions for the Tigers. Sure a World Series Championship is an easy goal to make, but it doesn't have any substance right now. Included in this list are five easy to do, easy to fix solutions that when put together could ultimately lead to that goal of winning a championship in 2014.
So whether you are at the gym reading this already setting in on your 2014 resolutions or if you are like me having already given up your resolutions and in your pajamas eating a gallon of ice cream while watching a Lifetime movie marathon featuring countless men being evil to a woman who is seemingly similar to the actress who was just in the last movie, enjoy this countdown. Luckily when this countdown is over you don't have to awkwardly kiss your cat because you felt obligated by societal rules and had no person around to kiss.
5. Play Better Defense
This shouldn't be a very hard resolution, I mean anything that looks better than a fat person trying to walk on ice is an improvement. I fell on the ice a lot this winter.
4. Rick Porcello Must Pitch Better
Just pitch better, Rick Porcello. With Doug Fister gone that means Porcello is now trusted to be a vital piece of the rotation which is like trusting your house to your 25 year old son who still lives with you and thinks he is still a member of a frat house. I'm sorry for breaking your glassware, Mom.
3. Actually Close Games
The Tigers and closers are like what "Saw" was to the movie industry -- year after year the same repetitive horror film with new traps that left you horrified. It is time for a happy ending for once.
2. Be Healthier
The Tigers were to injuries the past few season what Brett Favre was to annoying the living daylights out of everyone. Wrap the entire team in bubble wrap and send them out there with caution.
1. Lose Weight
I don't mean for Phil Coke to lose weight, I mean for the Tigers to cut weight and release Phil Coke. Coke is bad for your health, and Coke leads to cavities and blown games. No more Coke for the Tigers; drink Pepsi if you must.