5 Detroit Tigers Players Who Must Perform To Keep Their Jobs
5 Detroit Tigers Who Must Perform To Keep Their Jobs
2014 may not be the year the Mayans predicted the end of the world, but it is the year that I am predicting could spell doom for quite a few players on the Detroit Tigers roster. Keep in mind that with contracts coming up and the hunger to go in a new direction these guys barely held on by the skin of their teeth this offseason, and one more disappointing season could see them banished for good. Well, banished to like Minnesota or something, but still pretty terrifying.
Obviously not every player with a contract coming up has to be fearful of cuts; I don't think Miguel Cabrera is very concerned with his job security. Max Scherzer could underperform and still command a contract that would buy you a lot of Twinkies. Isn't that all a guy wants in his life? Most players aren't fortunate to be in the class of superstars, however. While some of the names on this list have had good seasons and in most cases been with the team for a very long time, the organization could always pull a Donna Summer and survive without them. Yes, I used Donna Summer in a baseball article. Maybe you should be more cultured and less judgmental, Mom.
Without further ado here are the 5 Detroit Tigers who are in the most jeopardy of having me write about them using Donna Summer songs to describe their lives. If they aren't careful they could easily slip into me writing Adele songs into their Wikipedia pages.
5. Don Kelly
The little engine that could is finally starting to run out of gas, and unless Don Kelly can pull out another miracle he may go the way of Ramon Santiago very soon.
4. Phil Coke
Phil Coke is like the Meryl Streep of being in all of my articles just so I can say please release him Tigers. Release him or these articles won't stop. I mean it.
3. Andy Dirks
Andy Dirks caught fire in 2012, but 2013 was a terrible disaster. Think Psy but without the adorable dance moves.
2. Rick Porcello
Rick Porcello is a guy who will give you the minimum amount of work needed to survive but nothing to get excited about. He's kind of like me, but eventually they catch you playing Candy Crush on your computer. Fair warning, Rick.
1. Austin Jackson
Austin Jackson is the guy everyone thinks is the next big thing, but then it just disappears. I'm not saying Austin Jackson is like Carly Rae Jepson, but I am.