St. Louis Cardinals: Adam Wainwright's Injury Grinds City To A Halt

By Todd Bennett
Adam Wainwright
Getty Images

If for whatever reason President Obama or congress decided to do something really nasty to the state of Missouri, like cut public funding or kick it out of the union, well now is the time. This is because St. Louis Cardinals ace Adam Wainwright left Tuesday night’s game against the New York Mets with a knee injury of indeterminate severity.

This means that nobody in the St. Louis metro region will be doing anything, or hearing any news until the results of that MRI are done.

Russia could full-on invade Ukraine, and the U.S. could raise its DEFCON status, and nobody in St. Louis would know. An earthquake could strike the New Madrid fault, flooding low-lying areas, and the first words on phone calls to loved ones would be, “Did you hear anything on Waino’s knee?”

In fact, the airport could close, the freeways could shut down, and Imo’s may go out of business all on the same day, and the only thing the people of St. Louis are interested in is that MRI.

Productivity too, will suffer until a report is received on Waino’s knee, you can forget any hope of those TPS reports getting done. Follow-up sales calls? Nope, not until the magical words of “Adam Wainwright expected to make his next start” flow across the ESPN crawl. Coffee? No way, Jose. Go to Starbucks — not only does it happen to be Administrative Professional’s Day, Waino left the game with a knee injury.

Yes, nothing is going to happen in the way of work, and little will be heard in the way of news, not until the city collectively knows the status of Waino’s knee. But you have to say this for Baseball Heaven: at least it has its priorities straight.

After all, an earthquake could mess up 10-15 seconds, but Waino’s knee? That could cost the Cardinals the whole year.

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