Athletic superstars are a well known bi-product of MMA. Chuck Liddell, Quentin “Rampage” Jackson and Rhonda Rousey are practically household names. Some big names have retired, while others are on the downswing. The fact remains that the fanbase of any big star can be tapped for charity fundraising regardless of their position in the MMA pantheon of statistics and ability-based relevance.
It could all take place in a carnival-like event with multiple fighting cages that are used as revenue-generating exhibits.
Exhibit One: The Mohawk Mat
For $100, Liddell will shave your hair into a mohawk. For an additional $50 donation, you can get your picture taken in a freeze-frame pose of you pretending to knock the chop-headed champ right on the chin.
Exhibit Two: The Platinum Parlor
A $100 hair dye job sounds about right by today’s prices. Your donation gets you something special here: a platinum blonde hair color treatment at the hands of Tito Ortiz. Donate an extra $50 and you can pose with Ortiz pretending to choke you out or administer a wince-inducing arm bar.
Exhibit Three: The Brawler’s Barnyard
Donate $100 to charity and you can ride around the cage on the back of a saddled-up Brock Lesnar. An additional $50 donation gets you the same ride again, but the second round is bareback.
Exhibit Four: The Scowler’s Corner
Cough up $100 for the cause and Nick Diaz will taunt and fake open-hand slap you for three minutes. An extra $50 donation gets you a photo standing next to Diaz, both of you stretching the the most defiant scowl you can muster across your faces.
Exhibit Five: The Literary Lounge
Lay down $100 and then sit down for 10 minutes with Forest Griffin. He will quickly interview you and advise you the best jumping off point to use when writing your life story. Throw down an extra $50 and get you picture taken sitting in easy chars next to the literary brute holding old-time pipes, wearing monocles and sipping tea.
Exhibit Six: The Bondage Chamber
Reveal your inner generosity with a $100 donation and Tom Lawlor will leash you up and take you for a walk around the cage on all fours. Give an extra $50 to charity and you can get your picture tagen sitting on the slugger’s lap with a ball gag in place.
Exhibit Seven: The Country Kitchen
All you can eat for $100 doesn’t sound like that great of a deal unless it’s with Roy “Big Country” Nelson. Your donation puts you face to face with Nelson in a hot-dog eating contest. If you wolf down more dogs than your opponent, he will match your donation with another $100 for charity. Your additional $50 donation gets you a picture with the knockout master wearing checkered cooking aprons and brandishing hot-dog tongs.
The featured exhibits could go on and on, proving that not only has MMA made entertainment better in general, but it has the potential to make the world a better place.