In an interview with ubiquitous MMA journalist Ariel Helwani, UFC‘s Dana White offered his opinion about the shaggy facial outcroppings of fuzz being worn by fighters such as Roy Nelson, Johny Hendricks and Travis Browne.
“Imagine when one of those guys goes for side control and his beard gets mashed into the other guy’s face,” White explained. “It’s gross.”
As if rolling around on the ground with another man covered in sweat, blood and maybe worse doesn’t already breach the “gross” barrier. White is apparently OK with guys gagging bad breath into each other’s mouths, wrapping their crotches around each other’s heads and mashing their arm pits into one another’s eyeballs, but he draws the line at facial hair. Call it a pet peeve, a neurotic glitch or just a personal gripe — the fact remains that the guy does not approve of beards.
Everyone has the right to form opinions, as they most certainly should do for as long as the earth turns and the sun shines. More power to everyone. Here’s one such opinion: In an athletic league that is boiling over with sociopaths, extremists, mental anomalies and violent headcases of every sort — it may not be too wise to mention such a petty gripe, especially if you have a birthday coming up and some of these beasts are your friends.
Getting the birthday boy inebriated and administering what’s known as a “gorilla mask” is a cryptic tradition among clans of alpha males who drool testosterone. White had better stick to sipping green tea by himself this coming July 28, or he may be waking up to a stickiness of a different sort. The victim of the gorilla mask is either knocked out, severely drugged or held down against his will while the bodily and facial hair of his “friends” is ripped away from their grubby skin and super-glued onto his face.
It’s a fate that should only be exacted onto one’s worst enemies and a practical joke of the lowest sort. Hopefully White stays home and resists the urge to call up referee Mike Beltran, champ Jon Jones and former TUF cast member Kimbo Slice to come on over and “knock back a few.” If White shows up looking like Tank Abbot we will know he succumbed to temptation. With friends like these, who needs a razor?