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MMA Funny

MMA Journalist Ariel Helwani Should Fight Former Ring Card Girl Arianny Celeste

Arianny Celeste

Ethan Miller – Getty Images Sport

In spite of his obvious intelligence, journalist Ariel Helwani just cant help himself when it comes to slinging playpen-grade mud globs against the proverbial MMA wall.

The biting nature of his snide-ness is diffused by the sheer pettiness of his comments. He managed to magnify the already infamous “I think you instigate fights a lot … where I come from people like that get slapped” retort from Nick Diaz in his very next interview with Diaz by laying on a grade school-level guilt trip. “I … want to thank you because every morning, I get and a few people online tell me that where they come from, people like me get slapped … that’s because of you. Now everyday I have tough people online threatening me … so thank you for that.”

In a more recent interview with UFC light heavyweight champion Jon Jones, Helwani prompted Jones to quip: “Man you are such an instigator!” after the piddling pressman remarked, “By the way Daniel Cormier told me on Monday he thinks Glover (Teixeira) is going to beat you.” This is the journalistic equivalent of flicking boogers into the person’s hair in front of you while teacher’s back is turned.

On the other end of the circus tent there poses a preening posturing puckering Arianna Celeste, who brags about bootstrapping her career from alongside the Octagon while offering opinions about UFC women’s bantamweight champ Rhonda Rousey. ” … I’ve made being a UFC Octagon Girl into a career. She (Rousey) should definitely recognize that and be nice …”

In a recent MMA Junkie Radio interview, Celeste offered this opinion on Rousey: “I don’t really like the way she carries herself, I don’t think she’s a good role model for women. I think that women should empower each other and give each other a little pat on the back.” This is the equivalent of middle school cheerleader locker room talk at best.

Apparently, Celeste has also inspired some opinions from the UFC community by the way she carries herself. In 2011, contender Chael Sonnen said this of Celeste: “Seems easy to wear a bikini and seems easy to walk in a circle, but try walking in a circle while wearing a bikini. Talented girl.”

So in matchmaking Helwani with Celeste, the dichotomy is apparent: Helwani is a smart guy who says stupid things, while Celeste may not be too bright, but she makes other people say smart things. Admittedly, it’s a little lopsided, but it could work. The best way to make the match even would be to have Helwani fight in the standard UFC Ring Girl garb of bikini top with short-shorts, and Celeste can don Helwani’s signature plaid shirt, mismatched tie and wool suit. Let’s hope Helwani guards his chin, Celeste is rumored to be a glass-shattering striker.

Luke Schmaltz is a Combat Sports writer for RantSports.com. Follow him on Twitter @lukeschmaltz, like him on Facebook or add him to your network on Google