A David Kahn Sales Pitch

Sometimes I feel like this blog is more of a “Ricky Rubio Watch”, but lets not kid ourselves, that’s about the only thing significant about the Wolves right now. I guess David Kahn knows that too, because it’s been reported that he’s in Spain livin’ la vida Rubio right now, trying to get him to sign on as a Timberwolf next season.

With the lockout looming, it’s hard to imagine how Mr. Kahn is going to sell this one. It is safe to say that he will try to convince Ricky that waiting to sign after the new barging agreement would be a huge gamble, because there is a chance that the rookie pay scale will be decreased, and if he signs now he’s locked into the current scale for his rookie contract. Other than that, who knows what “tricks” the Kahn Man has up his sleeve.  In fact when I do try to imagine what he would say to try and convince him to come, it’s pretty amusing (or depressing) for the most part.
(Note: When reading this in your head, please read it in a David Kahn voice. If you’re not sure what that sounds like, it’s a more feminine sounding combination of Donald Trump and Mr. Burns from The Simpsons.)

David Kahn’s Reasons for Ricky Rubio to Join the Timberwolves:

1. I know in Barcelona you’ve struggled with all of the pressure to play well and competein the playoffs.  In Minnesota there is almost no pressure to win whatsoever! Over the last two seasons combined we haven’t even won 40 games and hey, I still have a job .

2. Kevin Love had a 31-31 game!

Kenneth Faried

3.  We have this guy on our team named Jonny Flynn-I’m not sure if you know this, but we drafted him right after you- anyway, he’s been horrible on the court this season, but have you seen the guy’s smile? (pulls out picture from wallet) I have this theory about guys with nice smiles like Corey Brewer, Wes Johnson, and Wayne Ellington.  That’s why we’ll be taking Kenneth Faried with our first pick in this years upcoming draft.

4. Kevin Love won most improved player!

5.  You were worried we were going to take the consensus #1 pick in the draft, Kyrie Irving?  Don’t get me wrong Ricky, I looooove drafting point guards, but his smile isn’t that great and we won’t get the first pick because… well unlike most teams who have been bad as much as we have, we have never in the history of our franchise had a first OR second overall draft pick.  BUT if you sign today, I’ll let you represent us at the lottery!  You’ll have to answer a bunch of questions about how horrible we have been and why you didn’t come over sooner, but at least I’ll get to rub it in everyone else’s face that you actually did come over when no one believed you would.

6. Have you heard about Kevin Love?

7. Come on, please.

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  • Shea

    Dynamite work

  • Ulmesy

    8. “If the relationship between you and I deteriorate, you can read Bill Simmons make a funny little jab at me in every column.”
    9. “Luke Ridnour played THIRTY minutes a game last year. No, not thirty minutes combined the whole year, Thirty minutes A GAME!!!”
    10. “Look Downtown Minneapolis has some hot pale sluts”