“Why’d you take that shot?”
“It was too close to the basket, Smith!!”
Good news New York Knicks fans, the team has hired legendary shooting coach Dave Hopla to bring the squad’s chucking up tenfold! That means more three point shots, more ISO and less defense! Hopla, who owns the world record for most NBA three pointers scored in a minute, will teach the team, specifically J.R Smith, everything he knows.
Straight from the Twitter:
Knicks said to be close to hiring shooting coach Dave Hopla. He once made 550 straight FTs. (I bet he’s won 100’s of stuffed animals)
— Frank Isola (@FisolaNYDN) September 24, 2012
550 straight free throws–that’s Ben Wallace‘s whole career worth right there.
Will the Knicks step up to the challenge? Hopla will be bringing his patented “BEEF” system, standing for: “Balance Elbows Eyes Follow.” This, of course, is different than the Knicks current “CHUCK” system, a tried and true playbook that has led to countless first round playoff entries (and successful exits), multiple traded draft picks and the intrigue of a nation. Chucking: it’s the breakfast of champions.
Sometimes they go in, sometimes they go out. It’s a 50/50 shot. Posting up never helped anyone get on the box of a Wheaties box. Hopla will make sure the Knicks chuck better than ever before. 24 seconds on the shot clock? Chuck it. Empty lane to drive in? Chuck it. Open center in playoff game 7 of the Finals? Pass it. Just testing you. The correct answer is: Chuck it!