5 Names Outside Pelicans the New Orleans Hornets Wanted to Use
5 Names Outside Pelican the New Orleans Hornets Wanted to Use
In what can only be described as painfully dumb, at the same time awesome for the internet, the New Orleans Hornets are going to change their name to the Pelicans. I promise, you have read that correctly. While the rest of this article is a poor attempt at satire, New Orleans has already done the funniest thing possible by changing their nickname to a bird that steals fish off fishermen. So if New Orleans aim was to appease the city, sadly, they are a bit off tilt.
I'm not completely sure why they have decided to abandon any form of common sense but I'm more than ecstatic with their selection of new moniker. We live in such a world where a person, who has made billions of dollars, is stupid enough to think re-branding his team the "Pelicans" can do nothing but increase his franchise's value. So good for him.
But this whole event has got me thinking, as hard as that is to believe. Could the Hornet's(Okay, Pelicans') management have done any worse? Sure they could have. That's why I'm here to tell you of 5 other names they were close to selecting.
Joe covers the Big East for Rant Sports and dabbles in the NBA. Follow him on Twitter @JosephNardone
Smoking Hot Babes
You want to know what is more awesome than pelicans, smoking hot chicks that's what. Imagine your best buddy in the whole wide world had a pair of tickets to see the New Orleans Smoking Hot Babes, you'd go. Let's be honest here. What kind of mascot will New Orleans throw out for the fans to see, a real live pelican? No, instead you, your best buddy, that sick pervert from work, all of you will be delighted when the Smoking Hot Babes toss, well, a smoking hot babe out as their mascot. Remember kids, she's only doing this to pay her way through school.
What is even more deadlier than a pelican? A slew of evil Bumble Bees that's what(I don't know if that is true but who cares). Bumble Bees are so productive in their daily jobs that, through osmosis alone, their work ethic should rub off on New Orleans. Plus, first 1,000 people to get into the game get a free tub of honey. Talk about being a champion.
The reason teams try to start all over again and brand their franchise in new light is because they think they're losing money. Now we all know the owners are full of bologna and are making money hand over fist but that doesn't stop their greed. The reason the New Orleans Homeless works is to partake in the owner's greed. Everyone ignores the homeless while they beg for your hard earned cash. New Orleans ownership is doing the same thing, begging for your hard earned money while we all ignore them.
If you don't like puppy dogs you're likely going to places worthy of ice cubes after death. That is all.
NBA owners are some of the greediest people on the planet. Every labor negotiation they cry poverty. Don't put it past an owner to be so greedy and so shortsighted that he would want to name his team after the most popular thing going in all the land. The New Orleans Justin Biebers would draw dozens of tweens to come see a man with a uni-brow rock the rim. Now remember, it's not the New Orleans Justin Bieber, it's the Biebers, with an "S". There is more than one player in a New Orleans uniform. Details are paramount while trying to cash in.