Free agency is officially underway, meaning every team with even a little bit of cap space is going after the best center in the NBA, Dwight Howard. Whether it be folks throwing up billboards in Hollywood, Skyping with Yao Ming in an international pitch or getting taken out for late-night dinners, Howard seems to be everyone’s dream player.
It is then up to Howard to decide where he is going to take his talents. He can stay with the Los Angeles Lakers and try to redeem the perception of who he is by taking the Lakers back to the playoffs. He can go to the Houston Rockets and only pay 20 percent of his pay to child support as Slim Thug suggested on Twitter.
Heck, he can even go to the Golden State Warriors, who are working feverishly to make cap space available for last season’s leading rebounder.
Those are fine and dandy options, although, none of those are really the correct fit. In fact, there only seems to be one logical destination for Howard. I mean, there is only one place where his flip-floppy decision-making, fake smile and polarizing aura would be welcomed. Sadly for the NBA, it is not in the league, but in the daytime soap opera, Days of Our Lives.
Wait. Here me out.
Howard is always being crushed for being so indecisive, for trying to go so far out of his way to make people happy that he ruins everything around him. If he were to take that big grin of his to Days of Our Lives, that kind of shenanigans would be welcomed.
Days is a place where a lady was once possessed by a devil, saved by a priest, who she later fell in love with then married (the priest was also a spy before, you know, taking an oath to god). Howard’s iffy behavior would pale in comparison to such a horrific thing.
Really, anything that Howard has done in his past or is sure to do in the future would kind of be a mundane thing there. If you remember correctly, Howard came into the league wanting to represent his church and have religion be a major part of what his image was going to be.
Now stories are coming out about Howard rivaling Shawn Kemp for the most different baby mammas. Considering Howard has (had?) such strong religious beliefs, one would think that is pretty hypocritical and would hammer him for it.
In Days of Our Lives, however, it would just be one week’s worth of a storyline.
To be fair, that particular soap opera isn’t Howard’s only option. He can also go to General Hospital, where James Franco frequently guest stars as a serial killer … who never manages to cut anyone’s life short. In a soap opera-only twist, the show can figure out a way to have Howard be Franco’s twin brother.
Like Franco, Howard won’t actually live up to anything his character portrays as to him being, much in the same way he isn’t exactly a franchise player even though everyone pretends he is.
When healthy, Howard is still a top-five player in the entire NBA. It’s pretty sad, though, that his personality pushes his talents to the wayside. Not many other players are judged so harshly for being so aloof, but Howard has done this to himself. One can only hope that he gets his act together, stops being so wishy-washy and figures out who he is as a person before his career is over and his image is so beyond repair that a soap opera career can be his only saving grace — leaving his athletic career in shambles.
Well, if his basketball legacy gets tarnished and he turns out to be a horrible actor, I guess he can always become a professional wrestler. Dwight “The Blight” Howard, anyone?