10 Things More Likely to Happen Than New York Knicks Winning Another Title

10 Things That Will Happen Before New York Knicks Win a Title

Carmelo Anthony
Getty Images

Carmelo Anthony decided this week that he would re-sign with the New York Knicks, and who can really blame him? He was given almost 130 million reasons to do so. And while the Knicks are about as likely to win it all next year as me winning the Pulitzer, fans are optimistic about a future under Phil Jackson. I, however, do not share the same rosy outlook. In fact, here are 10 things that are more likely to happen before the Knicks win a title.

10. Jason Kidd will coach the Brooklyn Nets again

Jason Kidd
Getty Images

10. Jason Kidd will coach the Brooklyn Nets again

Jason Kidd
Getty Images

Kidd and the Nets went through a strange and ugly divorce this offseason. That’s what happens when an arrogant husband demands more power in a new marriage when his trophy wife is the family breadwinner. Not a recipe for success. Yet the odds for those two reconciling is greater than the Knicks winning a championship anytime soon.

9. London will get an NBA Team

Brooklyn Nets v Atlanta Hawks
Getty Images

9. London will get an NBA Team

Brooklyn Nets v Atlanta Hawks
Getty Images

Basketball has become a truly international sport over the past 10 years. The Euroleague has become a viable alternative to the NBA, and has become a farm system in many senses. However, the NBA only has one team outside the borders of the United States. I expect that we will see that slowly change over the next 20-30 years, and London will be a prized destination for expansion. It will certainly have a team before the Knicks win another title.

8. Carmelo Anthony will return to the Denver Nuggets

Carmelo Anthony
Getty Images

8. Carmelo Anthony will return to the Denver Nuggets

Carmelo Anthony
Getty Images

Carmelo was a fixture in Denver for seven and a half years, and he helped to resurrect a Nuggets franchise that had been abysmal for a long time. Sadly, he never felt comfortable in Denver, and his wife LaLa even went so far as to say “if I can live in Denver, I can live anywhere.” And Carmelo just signed a new contract with the Knicks. Nevertheless, 'Melo will return to Denver before the Knicks win a championship.

7. LeBron James Jr. will win a title

Sony Ericsson Open - Day 5
Getty Images

7. LeBron James Jr. will win a title

LeBron James
Getty Images

LeBron James Jr. is nine years old and apparently tearing up whatever league nine-year-olds play in nowadays. His latest video of him dropping 25-8-8 just went viral, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. “Bronny” has a long ways to go. But not as long as the Knicks do to another championship.

6. Donald Sterling will win another NAACP Lifetime Achievement Award

Donald Sterling
Getty Images

6. Donald Sterling will win another NAACP Lifetime Achievement Award

Donald Sterling
Getty Images

Not much more to say about this one. This just isn’t going to happen. And the Knicks, well, now you are catching on.

5. Ron Artest will land an NBA coaching job

Ron Artest
Getty Images

5. Ron Artest will land an NBA coaching job

Ron Artest
Getty Images

Ron Artest apparently has his eyes on an NBA coaching job someday. He recently just accepted an assistant coaching position for a California high school girls team, and plans to work his way through the ranks. Nothing Artest has ever done, and I do mean nothing, has shown that he has one iota of ability to influence another human being. Who knows? Maybe he will land the Knicks' job someday and lead them to a championship. Right.

4. Gregg Popovich will get fired

Gregg Popovich
Getty Images

4. Gregg Popovich will get fired

Gregg Popovich
Getty Images

Popovich has enough good will built up within the Spurs fan base and organization to withstand five losing seasons in a row without being obliterated by a downpouring of criticism. He will retire with dignity and become a first-ballot Hall of Famer. The Knicks will struggle to get past the first round for the foreseeable future.

3. James Harden will win Defensive Player of the Year

James Harden
Getty Images

3. James Harden will win Defensive Player of the Year

James Harden
Getty Images

Has anyone seen the 11-minute YouTube video of Harden looking like a lost child in a Super Walmart, as a smorgasbord of defenders blowing by him with ease? Yeah. Harden may very well be the worst defender in the NBA, and that includes Carmelo. Actually, now that I think about it, the Knicks can’t play much defense either. Hmmm...

2. DeAndre Jordan will become a 75% free-throw shooter

DeAndre Jordan
Getty Images

2. DeAndre Jordan will become a 75% free-throw shooter

DeAndre Jordan
Getty Images

Watching Jordan shoot a free throw makes me cringe more than watching The Human Centipede. He may well be the worst free throw shooter I have ever had the pleasure to completely annihilate with the cruelest of criticism. Last season, he shot a woeful 42 percent from the line. He would need a miraculous increase of more than 30 percentage points to become even a mediocre free-throw shooter. Still better odds than the Knicks.

1. Chris Bosh will be inducted into the Hall of Fame

Chris Bosh
Getty Images

1. Chris Bosh will be inducted into the Hall of Fame

Chris Bosh
Getty Images

Now, this may put me onto some folks doody list, but if this article has proven nothing else, it’s that I’m not afraid of being a fixture on many a such list. Chris Bosh is the well-paid role player of all time. He stands 6-foot-11, weighs in at 235 pounds and sees the paint less often than Steph Curry. If Bosh ever becomes inducted into the Hall of Fame, I will renounce my belief in the reputability of the entire institution.

Around the Web

  • Daddy1979

    Can’t wait for a Euro Division. Madrid, Rome, Moscow, Paris and London. Then add a Latin American division with Rio de Janiero, Buenos Aires, Mexico City, San Juan and Brasilia. Also, I actually think Metta World Peace will make a great coach. Life decisions aren’t his strong points, but his basketball IQ is extremely high.