5 of College Basketball’s Walking Dead

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5 of College Basketball's Walking Dead

Chris Hardwick would be proud
Jim Brown-USA TODAY Sports

There is only one thing that rivals my love for college basketball, the AMC television show The Walking Dead. Before the show even debuted I was all in. I am a red-blooded man who happens to fall in the 18-35 year-old demographic. Soon as I saw a picture of a zombie, that was it, I was emotionally invested in the picture-box program. For those who have been lucky(smart) enough to watch the show have realized a few things, one of which was that the show was the most epic soap-opera ever disguised as a zombie apocalypse program ever. That's not to say there isn't plenty of gore, scares, and flat-out awesome zombie moments, but The Walking Dead is as much about developing characters(Then kill them off) as it is about a double-tap to the head.

The mid-season premier for the show is slated for Sunday, and that got me thinking. How in the world could I combine my two most favorite things in the world. My first idea was to pay Marshall Henderson a ludicrous amount of money to come and watch the show with me. But that poor kid has enough trouble on his plate and he doesn't need me giving him improper benefits(NCAA, shh). So then, in my infinite(otherwise known as horrible) wisdom, I decided to do a list of college basketball's 5 most Walking Deadish folk.

This list isn't restricted to just players or coaches. No sir, if you're anyway remotely involved in the realm of college hoops, you might just be on the wrong side of a Daryl Dixon bow to the cranium. Thankfully for the world, the Lori Grimes character died while giving birth to the first post-zombie human, so if any of you are linked to any of The College Basketball Walking Dead, hopefully you will have as much luck as Rick Grimes did(Because let's be honest, she was a no good son of a).

Joe covers the Catholic Seven for Rant Sports. For the love of Sam Cassell, follow Joe on the Twitter machine @JosephNardone

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Oliver Purnell

DIRE FIRE
Anthony Gruppuso-USA TODAY Sports

Okay, if you have read my stuff previously, you know I think this guy is horrible. The last time I written about the man I compared his recruiting skills to that of a child molester(Don't worry parents. I keep it classy). In his third year with the DePaul Blue Demons, Purnell has exactly five more wins against Big East opponents than you do. His lack of recruiting skills, inability to coach from the sidelines, and his general sleepy demeanor, make him an easy pick as one of the dead. Sadly for DePaul fans, nothing will change until moves are made from the top, meaning fire the athletic director.

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Mike Aresco

MA
Marvin Gentry-USA TODAY Sports

Same thing as Purnell. I've written about this village idiot since the Big East tried bringing something called the Tulane Green Wave into the fold. Mike Aresco has only been the commissioner for a short period of time, so you would think I'd give him a pass. Not for the most uninteresting man in the world. For those reading this who aren't sports fans, think of him as college basketball's Michonne. You were told how awesome and cool this character was going to be, but so far all we have got in return was a bunch of inaudible noises and many instances of ineptitude. Michonne, who has been clearly looking for a fight she can't win, could probably relate to Aresco trying to carry the Big East moniker with him post conference realignment, even though nobody will be left to commission.

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Mike Jarvis

MJ
Ron Chenoy-USA TODAY Sports

I have a personal vendetta against Mike Jarvis. Have grown up a St. John's Red Storm fan(Probably why so many Big East mentions in the list), I blame diabolical Mike for most of the Red Storm's years of struggling. Jarvis is clearly the "Shane" of college basketball. Granted, the guy gets plenty of things done but at what cost. Shane would, before a knife covered in a broken friendship was thrust into his soulless body, go around and do productive things for his group. His biggest problem was that he didn't care how things got done, even if they were done dirty. Cue Jarvis, who put the Red Storm in hot water after some recruiting violations

The weird thing about this comparison is that I was always team Shane. I figured, if zombies ever came for me, I'd either end up like him or try to tag along with someone with a set of stones like he had. The guy was a survivor and the only thing that got him killed was friendship(And boinking his besties wife). Jarvis on the other hand, while a survivor, is pretty irrelevant at the moment.

Shane is still talked about every Walking Dead season and Jarvis hasn't been talked about in around 10.

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Marshall Henderson Haters

MHS
Spruce Derden–USA TODAY Sports

These group of people are the epitome of evil. Instead of enjoying the Marshall "Womp Womp Monster" Henderson ride, they have to try to eat your skull. The anti-Marshalls have gone out of their way to dig up parts of Henderson's past that only show him in a horrible light. They are, in a way, neglecting the awesomeness that is everything Marshall Henderson. Very similarly to how Rick and Lori Grimes have clearly done a horrible job raising Carl. In nearly every episode, the two "parents" will ask for someone to watch Carl, only for Carl to get lost, then to go looking for him despite the problems it may cause the group. These folks who are complaining and criticizing Henderson are doing so without caring how it hurts a student-athlete. They better be careful, or one day Henderson is going to take them out himself(As I see Carl doing if the Walking Dead goes 20 seasons).

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The Entire NCAA Organization

NCAA
Brian Spurlock-USA TODAY Sports

Who hates the NCAA. The short answer, everybody. Those dirty mongrels are the worst kind of zombie. Not only do they try to eat your brain but they try to make you feel like an idiot while doing so. Similar in the way Dale Horvath found his demise because of someone else's(The whole Grimes family) ability to be horrible at their responsibilities. What happened after Dale got eaten by a zombie, the Grime family moved on. This is what the NCAA does to student-athletes. They will suspend players for the strangest of reasons, tell you why the rules was put there in a condescending matter, and move on. Is Rick Grimes the Mark Emmert of The Walking Dead? No, he has a lot more guts and brains than the president of the NCAA.

Oh, and even if he is wrong, he won't backtrack from mistakes he has made.

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