Top 5 Division I College Basketball Programs of the Future

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Top 5 Division I College Basketball Programs of the Future

Satire
Jim Brown-USA TODAY Sports

There is currently 7 billion Division I college basketball teams in the nation. Okay, there is actually only 347, but still, that is a lot of teams who are trying to compete with the big boys. Most universities make the jump to Division I out of greed. They are obviously not financially capable of competing with teams from power-conferences, or even programs from much smaller leagues, but they think making the jump to the grand stage will help generate some extra income for their institution of higher-learning.

Whatever their reasons may be for deciding to step up to another level, some of the teams that have joined the highest level of college basketball seem pretty odd. Granted, not every team in the world is a state's primary university, so we will get the occasional team who is a sister school to the primary school(Think UNC-Greensboro). Even taking that into consideration some of the schools that make the jump are rather laughable.

It is also hard to keep up with all the transition. Nobody, well nobody sane, can name all 347 Division I basketball programs. Now, while I can't help you learn every team competing at the Division I level, I can help you learn about the five teams who are going to move up in the coming years. These programs, that have very little notoriety, are making the jump in the hopes that they can get their university some extra money, and maybe even compete for a spot in the NCAA Tournament.

While you probably never head of these programs, by the end of reading this, you will be able to tell all your friends about the five programs about to join the Division I basketball coalition(Not a real name for teams in D-I).

Joe is a Senior Writer for Rant Sports. For the love of Sam Cassell, follow Joe on the Twitter Machine @JosephNardone

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The Club State Pool Cleaners

CSPC
Rob Schumacher-USA TODAY

The Club State Pool Cleaners are located in Germania, Pennsylvania. Having only be an active university since the 1990's, the Pool Cleaners have enjoyed much success at the intramural levels. Current athletic director William Hung thinks his university can not only benefit financially from the jump to Division I basketball but can help promote the public awareness for the need of quality pool cleaners.

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The University of Broken Dreams

Broken
Kyle Terada-USA TODAY Sports

It's rather surprising that the University of Broken Dreams has taken this long to make the jump. They have been around as long as any college in the world, nevertheless the nation. UBD usually draws a lot of middle-aged folk to enroll at their school. In fact, their basketball team currently has the oldest average age of any college sports team on any level(37). That's not to say they don't have any youth at their university at all, but the University of Broken Dreams is usually a fall-back school for most collegiate applicants or an exotic dancer's stepping stone university before furthering their career to become an NBA cheerleader.

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Middle Hoboken University of Technology Alligators

MHut
Jerry Lai-USA TODAY Sports

Never question the growth of a university. Case in point, Middle Hoboken University of Technology. MHut(Like UMass, but with more edge), was founded exactly 23 minutes ago in a shady man's basement. Seeing a chance to jump on the NCAA's ineptitude, MHut founder Larry Wiltzenpants decided the time was now for the university to take the next step and join other programs at the Division I level.

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Southwestern Texas Mack Browns

Mack
Brendan Maloney-USA TODAY Sports

The state of Texas already has a bunch of Division I basketball programs. They also have the traditional football powerhouse that is the Texas Longhorns. While most of the folk in the state are growing tired of Mack Brown as their head football coach, some still see the man as the coach who won them a BCS Title. Who are those people? Mack Brown and his family of course. His family founded STMB so Brown will have a job to fallback on after the Texas athletic department decides it is time to part ways. Brown will not coach the football team nor the hoops squad, instead he will be the university's President and Athletic Director. Thus, insuring years of underachieving greatness at Southwestern Texas.

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The New Jersey Institute of Technology

NJIT
Jim O'Connor-USA TODAY Sports

Wait, what? That is already a Division I basketball program? Yeah, okay, next you are going to tell me that a team clearly located on the east coast plays in something called the Great West Conference. Then you are going to tell me that league is composed of teams called Chicago State University(Chi-town is a state?), Houston Baptist University Huskies(Okay, go on), University of Texas–Pan American Broncs(UTPA), and the Utah Valley University Wolverines.

Those are all real Division I basketball programs. While the previous four in the slideshow are fake, now knowing that these five are real, really gives me hope that one day the Club State Pool Cleaners will indeed make the move to the Big East(Which I assume, after reading this, Mike Aresco is already looking to call AD Hung, to sure up the great lineup of schools he has already built for the future)

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