5 Mundane Things Kansas Freshman Andrew Wiggins Can Make Cool
Andrew Wiggins Makes All Things Cool
Andrew Wiggins is the most hyped player to come out of high school since LeBron James. One of the major differences between the two, though, is that Wiggins is forced to take his talents to college. With Wiggins deciding to play for Bill Self and the Kansas Jayhawks, the bright lights of college basketball are going to be thrust upon him even more. Heck, a pretty average dunk during a scrimmage almost broke the Internet while people claimed he 'dunked over someone', when in fact all he did was jump high -- like many before him -- and throw the ball down.
I am not trying to diminish what kind of player Wiggins may become, although, I do think we are setting up expectations that will be impossible for him to live up. I mean, nobody loves to build a guy up only to tear him down more than us, right? Regardless, the hype surrounding Wiggins is all over the place. YouTube videos featuring highlights gets views in the hundreds of thousands, folks like me write articles about him (a kid who has yet to play a collegiate game) every waking moments of our life and that video of him dunking over no one went viral.
Yes, that video irks me to the point of nausea. I am not that old to not appreciate a great dunk in a scrimmage, but that was far from a great dunk. It wasn't bad. It was okay, ho-humish if you will. All Wiggins' dunk proves is that he can make the most mundane things cooler than a cucumber. That is why I am going to fill you in on a top-secret. I am going to tell you about five more things that the Wiggins can make cool, that might otherwise not be.
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Alas, the old art of dumpster diving. Usually reserved for bums, husbands after being booted by the wife and where 80 percent of Law & Order shows begin, dumpsters don't scream cool. Dumpster diving, well, that screams levels of yuckiness that are rarely rivaled. If Wiggins were to go head first in a dumpster, though, I have a funny feeling it would become the hip, new trend around the country.
In my opinion, wiffle ball is a pretty cool. It is a game where baseball-challenged folk are able to pretend to be great. I am pretty sure I hold the Old Forge, Penn. record for most home runs outside of a neighboring church. The record is unofficial, but I like to brag about it to my wife every now and then. Okay. That shows maybe it is for losers (like me!). Although, if Wiggins decided to grab the long yellow bat, I am pretty sure ESPN would go out of their way to air the entire game.
I am not saying that Wiggins would ever endorse such a horrible wardrobe as jhorts, but you never know. As of this moment in time the only people who are allowed to wear jhorts are anyone under the age of six and John Cena. For Cena, however, he has to deal with normal folks making fun of him for acting hip while wearing something that MIGHT have been cool a few decades ago -- key word being, might. Wiggins, however, can reinvent a pair of Wranglers if he decided to cut those bad boys at the knees. He can do the same thing for jean companies as the Fab Five did for long shorts and black socks. Well, maybe not the same thing. I mean, it is jhorts after all
Chuck Norris, Again
Chuck Norris jokes aren't cool anymore, right? They kind of ran their course a few years ago. Especially when Norris himself decided to use his Internet fame and try to parlay it into political power. He didn't run for office or anything, he just tried to use it to back politicians he favored. I do think one thing can bring Norris back to Internet-fame. I have a funny feeling if Wiggins posted a video of him reading Norris zingers that it would go viral immediately. Then -- because we are, you know, us -- a Wiggins site would launch where someone would talk about him ending global warming with a cool breeze coming out of his rear.
All reports state that Wiggins happens to be one of the more grounded big-time recruits. I haven't ready many articles calling him a diva or a guy with a troubled past. Really, the only people who have anything bad to say about the kid are people who adore the teams he spurned when he chose Kansas. To be fair, though, with homerism running wild as it ever has, Wiggins can't please everyone unless he... cloned!
Cloning. The same thing that was talked about a lot 10 years ago and inspired a slew of bad sheep jokes. I bet, though, if Wiggins cloned himself and was able to play for a variety of different colleges, then pro, teams that people will finally get off his back for choosing Kansas over the Club State Pool Cleaners. Only presumable problem would be people's NCAA National Player of the Year ballots. A different Wiggins might end up splitting all the Wiggins' votes and leave us with the 23rd best player in the nation actually winning the award. I see you, Ron Morris.