America Prays Bobby Petrino Text Pics Aren't Leaked

By Ryan Wooden

Even though we might not admit it, this TMZ culture we all live in has left us all intrigued when we hear news of illicit camera phone activity. Typically, we clamor at possible nip slips or racy photos of celebrities, but with the investigation into the affair of former Arkansas head coach Bobby Petrino uncovering cell phone activity between Petrino and mistress Jessica Dorrell dating back to September, we’re all a bit worried.

That’s because his phone bill, which is public record because it is a state-issued phone, showed several picture and video messages being sent to Dorrell. I’d really prefer not to have to illustrate this much further, but there seems to be a likely chance that there are some Bobby Petrino text pics floating around out there.

Perhaps Petrino was channeling his inner teenage girl and he was just sending out some mirror pics, but I think the likelihood is that this fat pig, who was once a Hawg that fell off a hog, was probably showing off the goods. The droopy, vomit-inducing, 51-year old goods.

Once again, the issue at hand really has nothing to do with Petrino’s adulterous ways, as morally bankrupt as they are. It is the fact that he is using state-issued equipment to foster an inappropriate relationship with a fellow employee of the university/subordinate.

Oh, and it’s gross.

Grown men, take heed. Be successful, have an affair, be discreet, don’t offer your mistress a payoff or promote her within your office, and even if you are caught, a well placed apology will likely keep you in good standing with your employer. It sounds like an episode of Mad Men, but that is pretty much the reality in the SEC.

Granted, you’re still a scumbag, but you’ll be a scumbag with a job. However, if you try to go all Tiger Woods out there and start getting creepy and weird with the texts and the pictures, along with the opposite of just about every other thing I just said and your world won’t just crumble, it will erupt in flames.

Bobby Petrino is a sad, sad man. I think we can all agree on that. But, the reality of the situation is that he was still going to keep his job up until the point where he rejected university imposed penalties (Arkansas AD Jeff Long will dispute this, but multiple news outlets are reporting that Petrino was, in fact, offered an ultimatum that he then rejected.)

After everything he did, he still could have walked away and, eventually, he probably would have been forgiven. Sure, his reputation would have been tarnished, but tears dry quickly when you’re showered with affection (and money) following a third-consecutive 10-win season.

Instead, Petrino’s hole continues to grow as journalists are eager to pour it on — to reveal the next sordid detail of Petrino’s fall from grace. Now we know there are pictures out there. We don’t REALLY know what they are of, but we can all venture an educated guess.

I just pray these Bobby Petrino text pics never surface, thus saving me the unnecessary expenses of having to rent a steam cleaner and hire a psychiatrist.

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