The Sporting News hatchet Matt Hayes used on Urban Meyer and his tenure at Florida made for some questionable, if not amusing, reading. I see no reason to defend Meyer’s tactics (he won 2 national titles, had 30+ players arrested — yin and yang in college football) or Hayes’ sources (one player on the record, a bunch of anonymous ones otherwise). What I am more interested in finding are the “Circle of Trust” correlations at other major programs.
Sporting News outlined an inner group of the elite Gator players who comprised this circle and were allowed to dictate workout methods, avoid punishment and generally leave walk-on’s to wonder, “what the hell, Focker? It’s just a game.” If Urban Meyer had a Meet the Parents fetish he applied at Florida, God help us all in considering the coddling entertainment of some of college football’s biggest coaches.
Here’s a list of those groups at other campuses.
Alabama: “The Seventh Circle of Hell”
Nick Saban doesn’t bother with moving pictures. He reads books, preferably playbooks and if not those, then Dante’s Inferno does the job. The Seventh Circle includes violence, murder and suicide. All of the things the Crimson Tide value in a good defense.
Oregon: “The Social Network”
Yes, I know that’s the name of the movie but Facebook, like Nike isn’t cool because it’s worth a million dollars, it’s cool because it’s worth billions and billions of dollars. Chip Kelly‘s inner circle of athletes apparently* had the tendency last fall to get drunk and throw green paint on locker room walls. Phil Knight, the visionary that he his, turned these murals into uniforms. *unconfirmed.
USC: “Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce”
Lane Kiffin is nothing, if not a Mad Man. The allure of Draper, pettiness of Pryce, game of Sterling and that “is here really here?” quality of Cooper. Matt Barkley refuses to join Kiffin’s group. That’s because Matt Barkley won’t drink scotch at 9 a.m. before practice.
LSU: “Apocalypse Meow”
If you think Les Miles isn’t a doppelganger for Colonel Kurtz, we have nothing further to discuss. No one’s tried to kill him yet but Mike the Tiger remains the betting favorite, followed closely by Every LSU Quarterback.
Oklahoma: “Warrior Bros”
I didn’t see the movie, Warrior but the premise I got was that a pair of brothers with Yankee accents fought in the finals of some MMA tournament probably airing seventeen hundred times on FX. It is the life’s motto of Bob and Mike Stoops for their players, like brothers, to do the same. If you can’t finish the tackle, throw an arm bar on a walk-on and extract penance.
Texas: “Wall Street”
Mack Brown had a pretty simple solution to rooting out the entitlement issues in his program. Money. You give college athletes money and everything bad goes away. Investment bankers take larger bonuses, the economy is fixed. It’s a little known fact that the London office featured in Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps is actually DeLoss Dodds’ vacation work space.
Ohio State: “The Umbrella Corporation”
Because if there’s one thing Urban Meyer has shown a propensity for, it’s adopting catchy phrases for his teams via terrible movie series’ that refuse to stop expanding.
Brady Hoke thought up a pretty hilarious moniker for his malcontents over second breakfast.