NCAA Football

Around College Football: Top Stories From May 17th

West Virginia‘s athletic department mired through a year of forcing their way out of the Big East to join the Big 12 and then listened to rumors that the man who led that transition might be wanted in Palo Alto.

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Problem solved as Oliver Luck intends to remain the athletic director in Morgantown rather than pursuing the vacant athletic director’s job at Stanford. Presumably, it was a difficult decision for the former NFL quarterback as his son, Andrew finished his degree there while his daughter is a Cardinal volleyball player. Best thank either the moonshine or the dulcet tones of John Denver. At some point, Luck will leave West Virginia, alma mater or not. He’s in high demand nationally — he was on the Big 12 commissioner short list that went to outgoing Stanford AD Bob Bowlsby — and has come up when folks consider who might replace DeLoss Dodds at Texas. For now though, he’s all Mountaineer and gearing up for a college football season in which West Virginia possesses a legitimate chance at competing for a Big 12 title.

As Craig James’s Senate campaign in Texas circles the drain, Mike Leach is busy killing large animals. The Washington State head coach, a pirate-loving, law degree-having, hilariously unique, offensive savant gave the public a lens into his life:

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Mike Leach is rarely not the greatest thing about college football. He tells trustees and athletic directors to take a hike, reams his opponents with what seems like a simple passing attack and hunts bears. Victoriously. It’s one thing to go on a bear hunt and maybe see one with binoculars but to attain the stature of “bear pelt owner,” well that’s another level. Leach reached it because why wouldn’t he? He’s no longer fishing in the Florida Keys, might as well slay a few bears in the woods near Pullman.

In a bit of realignment news on a slightly smaller scale than Florida State to the Big 12, Old Dominion announced its intent to join Conference USA in all sports in 2013. Football won’t begin competing for the  conference championship until 2015 but by that time, the Monarchs may have a juggernaut on their hands. In existence for only three seasons, Old Dominion owns a 27-8 record in FCS play. Old Dominion is also located in Norfolk, Virginia. Here ends my synopsis. Take out your pencils and circle on the map provided the new Conference USA members. Yes, we’ve all failed.

For those traveling to Bourbon Street following future Super Bowls and Sugar Bowls, words of advice: don’t place your testicles on anyone else in public. If you’re paying for that kind of thing, then…actually, no let’s move on. Brian Downing, the infamous Alabama fan who placed his privates on a passed-out LSU fan in a Krystal Burger in New Orleans, was indicted for sexual battery and obscenity. Ten years serves as the maximum prison sentence for sexual battery and six months to three years for obscenity. But hey, ROLL DAMN TIDE.