If Harvey Updyke didn’t have bad luck, he wouldn’t have any at all. Or perhaps, he’s just messed up. “Al from Dadeville,” as he infamously introduced himself on Paul Finebaum’s radio show, was arrested in Louisiana on an awesome charge: terrorizing.
Here’s the legalese: “Terrorizing is the intentional communication of information that the commission of a crime of violence is imminent or in progress or that a circumstance dangerous to human life exists or is about to exist, with the intent of causing members of the general public to be in sustained fear for their safety; or causing evacuation of a building, a public structure, or a facility of transportation; or causing other serious disruption to the general public.”
If you’re heading for a voluntary extended stay in the pin, why not cause a serious disruption to the general public? I mean, really go down swinging.
Unfortunately, the Toomer’s Corner poisoner threatened employees while trying to return his lawnmower. The store wouldn’t give him a full refund and he ran the gamut of movie clichés on vigilante justice.
You know the type of quote, “I’ll take care of it on my own.”
It’s hard to call Updyke’s tale a descent because I’m not sure he was ever on top. He fires lawyers like they’re secretly Auburn fans. He calls radio programs to defend his honor and admit guilt in a manner where most people have the good sense to shut up.
Using the defense of, “I’m going to prison anyway” doesn’t usually fly, especially in Hammond, Louisiana. What’s always intrigued me about Updyke though is his seeming contentment with the idea he’ll die in an Alabama prison.
The 64 year-old is set to stand trial next week (October 1st) for poisoning the oaks on the Auburn Tigers campus. Since that episode (we’re approaching two years from the actual tree crime), he’s decided to embrace his imminent death and ache for another Alabama Crimson Tide national championship.
I don’t know that his sentence will put him behind bars long enough to pass but the only real punishment for Updyke at this point is one thing: place him in a room, tie him to a chair and make him watch the second half of the 2010 Iron Bowl for 12 hours each day.