West Virginia Mountaineers Declare War on Burning Couches?
For those who say “it must be true because it is on the Internet”, meet your exception to the rule. A tradition as deep to collegiate culture as Rush Week, or an all-nighter before a mid-term exam, burning couches is now under fire. Pardon the pun.
In an act that can only be described as cruel, the West Virginia Mountaineers student government put it upon themselves to offer up a PSA attacking the very fabric of campus life. In a poorly acted, written, and directed attempt to curb this fine act of school pride, members of WVU released their venom on the very act that coeds hold dear. Burning couches.
This so-called West Virginia “assembly of scholastic leaders” threatens such horrors, as fines, jail-time, expulsion, and even the dreaded “living with the parents.” In an almost patronizing lecture, the aforementioned clowns remind the viewer that couches are for sleeping on, sitting on, losing a remote or spare change. The video even begins with the breaking news, that subject in question is a couch.
Thanks, I already know what a couch is. I’m pretty sure the patriotic couch-burners do as well. For anyone who has yet to see this abomination, here is the video:
My question to the frauds running the West Virginia student government is this: what do you expect a fan base to do when their team wins or loses a big game? Celebrate by what? Display disappointment by responding how?
When the legendary and late Joe Paterno was fired from the Penn State Nittany Lions head coaching position, the students in Happy Valley overturned a vehicle. Amateurs.
Everyone knows the only way to tell your friends and family that you love your school after a championship win (or loss), is to burn the closest available love seat. The burning of the couch is a right of passage that every sauced up fraternity brother must experience. A sacrifice to the college football Gods that will ensure immediate success (or failure) will endure (or end).
How the student government at West Virginia can look themselves in the mirror I will never know.
One of my greatest memories as a resident of the greater Denver metro area was when the Colorado Buffaloes won the 2001 Big 12 Championship. I promptly traveled to Boulder that evening to experience a cultural phenomenon that is now facing extinction in the Mountain State.
Join with me my college football brothers and sisters, our friends in West Virginia have their liberties under attack! If we do not take a stand in Morgantown, who knows which college town is next to feel the wrath of an overzealous student government. Austin? Tuscaloosa? Tempe? I refuse to say it, but what if, Boulder could be next?
Ladies and gentlemen this has to stop. The next time your respective school wins (or loses) that big game, grab an old futon and burn that sucker.
Just don’t count on me participating. I’m not going to jail or back to my parents house for burning a couch. That would be crazy.