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Big East Football: The Butt of Realignment Jokes

Jim O’Connor-USA TODAY Sports

The Big East as a football conference has become so bad, it is now the butt of all conference realignment jokes.

For example, Sports Pickle posted this “official” “Big East Application” on November 28.

Sports Pickle

Sports Pickle

Let’s examine this step by step, shall we?

The application states a school can use “East” as a relative term. Clearly, it’s not that far off. The Big “East” will consist of teams from California, Texas, Idaho, Louisiana, Tennessee, Kentucky, Maryland, Pennsylvania, Connecticut, Carolina and Florida.

I mean seriously. Come on Big East. If you aren’t even going to try to keep your conference to the east of the country you might as well change the name, and no, “Big East West” doesn’t count.

Go ahead and add the University of Alaska Anchorage as a football only member, since basketball is where the real money is.

I’m sure they’d love to join. Heck, with the way things are going, they might be able to compete.

The application asks interested schools to state their best reason why the conference should keep its BCS tie-in. It’s so believable.

The Big East’s official website doesn’t even have a spot for the football champion on the “Championships” page. It has women’s soccer, field hockey, men’s soccer, women’s volleyball and track and field, but not football.

The Big East has done everything it can to find reasons it should still be a BCS conference. Surprisingly however, football powers do not agree that adding the Tulane Green Waves keeps a conference relevant.

Then it asks the schools to talk about how awesome basketball season is, as the Big East is still somewhat relevant in basketball.

It missed a big chance to land the East Carolina Pirates as a basketball member, which would have really improved the strength of the conference on the hardwood. What will they do now?

The application makes it clear that in order to become a member one must hate bowl season. The Big East had three of its eight teams ineligible for bowl season this year, and that will only be worse after the new teams are added in the future.

The next part of the application asks for an exit fee that’s too high. Everyone who is smart has already left the Big East. It’s going nowhere, and it seems reasonable that the conference would set an exit fee early on in its application.

The application asks if a school is already a BCS member. Any school applying to the Big East wants a chance at a BCS birth from playing teams like ECU and Tulane. This is the fastest, easiest way to a bowl bid without being competitive.

The final statement on the application, and perhaps the funniest, is that schools get one millon dollars off of their exit fee for referring teams.

The Big East is in such terrible shape that it has given up on acquiring good teams. It  just accepted a team that went 2-10 in the C-USA.

When someone searches for a Division I football team’s schedule in Google, the recommended search almost always finds the word “schedule” after “sch”. When I searched “Tulane Sch” in Google, the recommended search, in the heart of college football season was “Tulane School of Medicine”.

I’m not making this up. Try it.

I honestly think the Big East would take any school that applied to it right now to avoid folding.

Thanks to Sports Pickle for the application. Now go watch the Big East’s effort in bowl season!

Follow Mike on Twitter at @MikeAtkinsonRS or visit his Rant Sports Author Page.