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Deer-Antler Spray Salesman Says the Alabama Crimson Tide are Guilty of Deeroids Use

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Brian Spurlock-USA TODAY Sports

OK folks, I’m not going to lie. I’m having a real hard time believing the following words are about to flow from these fingers, but here goes.

The news in the new steroid saga got a little more crowded today as Christopher Kay told Joe Schad and ESPN that he personally sold Deer Antler Spray and watched about 20 players from the Alabama Crimson Tide use the product 10 days prior to the 2012 BCS National Title Game against the LSU Tigers.

(insert your joke here)

First of all, is there anyone out there who is surprised a young man from or living in Alabama would use some sort of by product from a deer? To be honest, half the team has probably lost a bet and has either ingested or worn Doe-N-Heat at some point in time in their lives.

Second, there is no way chemically possible to turn deer antlers as a solid into a viable liquid potion without watering it down.

Thirdly, WHY THE HECK IS THE NATION IS OBSESSED WITH DEER ANTLER SPRAY?!?!?!? Was the Manti Te’o saga just too tame for you?

Seriously boys and girls! The world of College Football and most every Professional Sport is in an uproar over deer antlers. Deer antlers. Now, let’s all get on the same page about what the heck this stuff is, folks.

It is a placebo. That’s right, the greatest drug in the history of the world is a placebo. Pretty sure the only “drug” in this spray is the euphoria that is causing your brain to go crazy when you spray it on you. Either that or its something called “kryptonite.”

Tricking an athlete into thinking they are superhuman because of a supplement has been around as long as this deer antler snake oil the ancient Chinese used back in the days of the dinosaurs. For whatever the “substance” is that enhances the prowess of a supreme gladiator of the gridiron in this product, it’s probably the same ingredient one can find in their children’s Flintstones Vitamins. So before you jump on this crazy train with the rest of the paranoid looney birds who are up watching infomercials at 3 a.m., think long and hard about what the world is damning Crimson Tide Nation for: deer antler spray, or as this sports writer likes to call it, deeroids.

Let’s get #deeroids trending.

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M Shannon Smallwood is a member of the Football Writers Association of America and the US Basketball Writers Association.

Follow him @woodysmalls.

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