Honey Badger Award for Extracurricular Excellence: Week 15
This week has been a living hell for most Americans, between the Boston Marathon bombing, the West fertilizer plant explosion, and now the craziness surrounding the a suspect of the former which is still being hotly pursued.
It’s times like this that some levity is in order, and therefore, we’re going to go on and run with Week 15 of the Honey Badger Award for Extracurricular Excellence Award update, because, after all, off-field shenanigans never sleep.
This week’s update sees three new entrants — one from a school already on our leaderboard, while the other two grace it for the first time.
Kansas Jayhawks tight end Nick Sizemore has been suspended for the first three games of the team’s 2013 season after being charged with suspicion of operating a vehicle under the influence, striking a parked car and failure to report the accident. Parked cars need an advocate. This continued abuse to their domain must be stopped for the good of humankind.
Middle Tennessee State Blue Raiders backup quarterback Shaun White was arrested for aggravated burglary, vandalism and theft under $500 after breaking into the apartment of an ex-girlfriend to retrieve items he believed she was still holding. In the process he stole some of her items as “ransom” until she released what was his. It’s just stuff Shawn. It’s just stuff.
Western Kentucky Hilltoppers dual-sport athlete Kene Anyigbo was charged withe marijuana possession, tampering with physical evidence and driving without headlights in Bowling Green, Kentucky. Anyigbo evidently ate the pot in the vehicle as officers approached. Yep, that one works every single time. Look! It’s gone! What pot?!
Welp, here’s the updated leaderboard for Week 15:
|Alabama Crimson Tide||12||Four Man Assault for Snacks|
|Washington State Cougars||7||Pullman Party Shenanigans Including Cracked Skulls
Drew Loftus Pantsing Tequila
Leon Brooks DUI
|Kansas Jayhawks||6||Ben Heeney Battering Bouncers
Nick Sizemore Drunkenly Hitting Parked Cars
|Syracuse Orange||6||Markus Pierce-Brewester & Davon Wells Electronics Fetish|
|Texas Longhorns||6||Cayleb Jones Cracking Jaws
Connor Brewer Dorm Room MIP
Kendall Sanders College Station DWI
|Florida Gators||4||Jessamen Dunker Grand Theft Moped
Louchiez Purifoy Pot Possession
|Penn State Nittany Lions||4||Zayd Issah Fake Lettuce for BigMacs
Akeel Lynch Criminal Mischief
|West Virginia Mountaineers||4||Karl Joseph Domestic Violence
Travis Bell DWI
|Colorado Buffaloes||3||Samson Kafovalu MIC & Other Bad Decisions|
|USC Trojans||3||Junior Pomee Grand Theft Apple Products|
|Utah Utes||3||Niasi Leota Extreme Domestic Violence|
|Georgia Bulldogs||2||Ty Flournoy-Smith Reporting False Crime|
|Middle Tennessee State Blue Raiders||2||Shaun White Burglary|
|Tennessee State Titans||2||Mike German / Joe Johnson Dance Party!|
|Texas A&M Aggies||2||Kirby Ennis Gun Charge|
|Western Kentucky Hilltoppers||2||Kene Anyigbo Pot Eating & Dark Driving|
|Arkansas Razorbacks||1||Austin Flynn DWI|
|Florida International Panthers||1||Prince Matt Pot Possession|
|Florida State Seminoles||1||James Wilder Failure to Appear|
|Iowa State Cyclones||1||Willie Scott Pot Possession|
|North Carolina State Wolfpack||1||Logan Winkles DUI|
|Ole Miss Rebels||1||Philander Moore Living Up to His Name|
|Utah State Aggies||1||Jake Doughty’s Love Affair With Substances|
|Washington Huskies||1||Austin Sefarian-Jenkins One Man Car Accident|
* 3 points for each arrest which involves bodily harm or theft.
* 2 points for alcohol-related offenses that aren’t DUIs or non-theft arrests.
* 1 point for garden-variety DUIs, pot possession, and other miscellaneous low-level shenangians.
Join us next week for more inane stupidity among our college football “student-athletes”!!