Most Comically Obvious Statements Made By Big Ten Coaches In Week 1

Most Obvious Statements From Big Ten Coaches

“Coach speak” is the long list of clichés that football coaches use with their teams and the media to try to motivate and dance around questions. It’s not likely that you’ve ever read a transcript from a press conference or been in a pre-game meeting without getting to listen to a lot of it. Coaches that have risen to being in charge of Big Ten programs have mastered it.

The best part about it for the coaches is that members of the media are so used to hearing it that it becomes white noise. The reporters think the coach answered the question or made a statement when he actually didn’t. He just offered up one of the several phrases he has in his arsenal to avoid the situation.

If you isolate the phrases, take them out of the context of the interview, they are quite comical. It’s obvious how these coaches have become so accustomed to using these clichés that they don’t even think about it when they use them. What you get is a bunch of reporters filtering out what the coaches aren’t saying and they call that a post-game press conference. All these people are very intelligent, it's just how things are done.

After one week of games in the Big Ten, each member universities’ coach has given a post-game press conference. In every one of them, there was at least one line that if you take it by itself, you'll want to sarcastically say to yourself, "really coach? Thanks for telling us that. We never would have figured it out on our own."

Tim Beckman

"I think we'll all put it behind us and start preparing for this next team, because they're totally different than what we saw this week." -- Illinois head coach Tim Beckman

So what you're saying is that you're not playing the same team two games in a row? When did this start happening? I thought college football teams played each other 3-4 times in a row like in MLB.

Kevin Wilson

"We just look forward to having a good week here." -- Indiana head coach Kevin Wilson.

Coach Wilson gives you all the essential elements of a sentence here. The subject, we. The verb, look. For extra measure, he even gives us a dependent clause with an adjective -- all the while not saying anything of any real substance to the Bloomington press. The question begs to be asked, why would you look forward to any other kind of week but good?

Kirk Ferentz

"Turnovers are tough to overcome, and we had three of them today. At the end of the day that makes it hard." -- Iowa head coach Kirk Ferentz

Well I'm glad Coach Ferentz cleared all that up. I was under the delusion that turnovers were inconsequential and that it was hard all day. I'm relieved that turnovers only make it hard at the end of the day.

Brady Hoke

"Yeah. I don't think there's any doubt that we really wanted to go out and making a really good impression." -- Michigan head coach Brady Hoke.

I don't know, before the game I was kind of doubting. I was thinking maybe you wanted to make a just kind of good impression instead of a really good impression.

Mark Dantonio

"We need to always play to our strengths, period." -- Michigan State head coach Mark Dantonio.

Why would you ever play to your weaknesses?

Jerry Kill

"I think we have to continue to work and we have to get better at executing." -- Minnesota head coach Jerry Kill.

So in case you weren't sure, the plan in Minneapolis is to keep working and getting better at playing football. It's the most ingenious plan ever! Why has no one thought of this before?

Bo Pelini

"It's hard to put them through all the possible things they're going to see. Especially when we've started the game." -- Nebraska head coach Bo Pelini

This is one of my favorites. So what you're saying, coach, is that you can't stop the game, practice with your team against what you're seeing from the opposition, and then resume the game when you feel you are ready? Well that doesn't seem fair.

Pat Fitzgerald

"We want to be mentioned with the best in the conference and nationwide." -- Northwestern head coach Pat Fitzgerald

Have you ever heard a coach say, "no, we'd like to be on that long list of teams that are irrelevant when it comes to conference and national championship discussions"?

Urban Meyer

"You need to sustain consistent effort and intensity." -- Ohio State head coach Urban Meyer.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but in order for something to be consistent, wouldn't it inherently have to be sustained?

Bill O'Brien

"If a good player gets hurt, that's not good for anybody." -- Penn State head coach Bill O'Brien

So then if a bad player gets hurt, could there be someone that is good for?

Darrell Hazell

"We can get it turned around pretty quick if we can fix some of those problems." -- Purdue head coach Darrell Hazell.

This comes a close second to Pelini's comment for my favorite. Hazell is saying that when they fix the problems, the problems will be fixed. Until they fix the problems, though, they won't be fixed.

Gary Andersen

"Any time you can take the top off the defense and score touchdowns or get yourself in position to score a touchdown in the red zone is big." -- Wisconsin head coach Gary Andersen

Another football myth shattered by one of our Big Ten coaches. Scoring touchdowns is a big deal in football, contrary to popular opinion.