PRESENTED BY NCAA Football Virginia Tech Hokies

5 Examples Proving Virginia Tech Rocks Worst Alternate Helmets in College Football

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Horrible Hokies Headgear

Peter Casey-USA TODAY Sports

One week after “saluting” the military with a disgusting camouflage (if only in a Jackson Pollock painting) helmet, the Virginia Tech Hokies (3-1, 0-0) are ready to rock for Thursday night's game against Georgia Tech (3-0, 2-0). No, there haven’t been any sudden improvements in the last few days to one of the ACC’s most underwhelming teams in 2013. The change is all in, or more accurately, on the Hokies' heads.

On Monday, the athletic department announced on its website a new alternate helmet design – the "Hokie Stone.” When Virginia Tech takes on the Yellow Jackets, Hokies players will look like they have helmets made of rocks. And the design could not be more fitting, considering the team’s decision-making (head full of rocks) and athletic performance (on the rocks) so far.

A loss to Georgia Tech, which had one of the best recent headgear choices in last year’s “Honeycomb” design, could send Virginia Tech spiraling toward rock bottom in the ACC Coastal division.

Hokie Stone is a name coined for a type of rock mined near the Blacksburg campus and used on the facades of many buildings at the school. Perhaps that’s what this makeover is – a facade that attempts to hide the unattractiveness of the 2013 Virginia Tech football team. The Hokies are coming off a 29-21 triple-overtime victory against Marshall, which was preceded by a lackluster 15-10 win over East Carolina.

But the Hokies' helmets in Weeks 4 and 5 are just the latest in a pile of unflattering choices – and that’s not even considering the giant turkey head the mascot (and sometimes Lee Corso) wears on Saturday. Let’s take a look at the five most dumb as a rock alternate headgear decisions Virginia Tech has made recently.

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5. Turkey Lurkey 1

turkey lurkey 1
Greg M. Cooper-USA TODAY Sports

Worn: Nov. 17, 2012 at Boston College

The concept works so well for schools that actually have fearsome looking mascots like tigers, broncos or bulldogs – see Missouri, Boise State or Mississippi State. But the impact is somewhat diminished when it’s a giant turkey that’s adorning half your dome.

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4. Feeling a Little Green

Peter Casey-USA TODAY Sports

Worn: Sept. 22, 2012 vs. Bowling Green

Camouflage, when done right, can look pretty good on a football uniform – see South Carolina. But when you replace your traditional team colors with standard military issue camo, it just leaves spectators feeling a little sick to their stomachs.

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3. Turkey Lurkey 2

turkey lurkey 2
Rob Foldy-USA TODAY Sports

Worn: Dec. 28, 2012 vs. Rutgers (Russell Athletic Bowl)

Apparently one helmet featuring a giant Thanksgiving entrée wasn’t enough for Virginia Tech last season. And here’s the ugly proof. After the Hokies wore Turkey Lurkey 1 multiple times in 2012, they went and created a special bowl game version, too! One can only imagine Virginia Tech’s hand was forced when homeless shelters across Virginia confiscated all the Turkey Lurkey 1s so the state’s less fortunate residents could enjoy a nice Thanksgiving dinner.

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2. Turkey Lurked

Peter Casey-USA TODAY Sports

Worn: Sept. 8, 2012 vs. Austin Peay

What’s worse than having a giant turkey on the side of your helmet? Well, based on the look of this helmet, the answer seems to be evidence that a giant turkey has recently been on the side of your helmet. Moose tracks, delicious. Turtle tracks, sensational. Turkey tracks, what?

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1. Abstract Expression

Peter Casey-USA TODAY Sports

Worn: Week 4 vs. Marshall

This selection would probably be second worst behind the “Hokie Stone” design if the ranking was compiled next week. But since the Hokies haven’t toted the rock on their heads yet, this hideous camouflage remains in first place (or last, depending on how you look at it). Yes, it was meant to honor the military service members, but Virginia Tech instead just conjures thoughts of a certain 20th Century abstract expressionist by the name of Jackson Pollock. Perhaps that’s just it – the Hokies are trying to use abstract concepts to prevent everyone else from figuring out just how average this team is.