Conspiracy Theories: Drew Brees and the New Orleans Saints

By Chris Hengst

While the New Orleans Saints attempt to recover from a self-inflicted personnel disaster in the BountyGate punishments, the franchise appears content thus far to add pissing off Drew Brees to the dumpster fire that is their 2012 offseason. Losing Sean Payton for the duration of next season hurts temporarily — it likely means the team won’t play in the Super Bowl at home — as did the stable of player suspensions that followed. But by negotiating their star quarterback’s contract with the type of aplomb reserved for instances when a rookie is on the other side of the table, New Orleans plays a dangerous tune. Mr. Obvious Column points out here how significant his impact has been for the city and the team. So what in the hell are Tom Benson and his underlings waiting for and why won’t they simply give the man credited with resurrecting the Bayou his money?

Is it area college football power LSU holding up the proceedings?

Fans of the amateur game have watched in sheer awe for years as Les Miles used devastating defensive lines and a potent rushing attack to build an SEC behemoth. His problem, evidenced in the 21-0 BCS National Championship loss to Alabama, shows up under center. I wouldn’t put it past Miles to have checked in with Payton and inquired whether he could borrow Brees for a season. Like that’s actually something the head coach of a major college program might have done and it wouldn’t surprise me in the least. He’s uncanny in his ability to play dumb while manipulating us all so texting Payton “Yo, SP, how long did Brees play at Pur-don’t? Ha, get it?” might serve to slow the negotiations. Or they’re just being cheap.

Is Sean Payton secretly telling Brees to hold off so they can both head to a new franchise together in 2013?

Listen, he’s bored. He can’t talk to his team or his coaches or his executives without bending NFL rules and while Payton’s displayed a public proclivity for swiping away a mandate, maybe this is how he passes the time. There are only so many trips-right plays that one can draw up in your kid’s sandbox before you start throwing deep outs with stuffed animals. Suspensions are akin to time in solitary and if the great American film classic, Law Abiding Citizen proved anything, it’s that the prisoner always knows his next move. Payton relocated his family to Dallas, Brees is a native Texan, Jerry Jones loves his stars. Or they’re just being cheap.

Is Roger Goodell going to ban the New Orleans Saints from football and life altogether?

The Commissioner seems to enjoy the power he wields. He’s easy to imagine standing behind his desk in New York City, maps of his kingdoms strewn across it like he’s some Lord from the Middle Ages and judging by his behavior at times, he might be better suited for another century. Taking a hardline on player conduct while creeping past and refusing to make eye contact with the concussion litigation reeks of taxation without representation. And the latter sparked some sort of revolution if my memory serves. Perhaps Goodell told Brees what wouldn’t shock at this point, that the franchise is deeper in the mud and he’s right to ply his trade elsewhere. Or they’re just being cheap.

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