Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones says some goofy stuff, but his latest seemingly half-drunken remark takes the cake. You see, Jones has his own language, commonly referred to as “Jerry Speak” in the Dallas-Fort Worth area, which he often uses to say off-the-wall things in an attempt to sound intelligent. Most of the time, however, that backfires. In a poor pep talk-like attempt during a press conference, Jones made the following statement:
“I want to officially close the window to closing the window,” Jones said. “That was off-season talk. I do feel a sense of urgency, though. I’ve been here 23 years. I’ve been here when it was glory hole days and when it wasn’t. I want me some glory hole!”
Naturally, millions of folks immediately thought Jones was making a sexual slang, including Rant Sports featured NFL columnist Jeff Shull, who quickly pointed out that Cowboys public relations director Rich Dalrymple tried to repair the damage caused by Jones’ comment.
” ‘Glory hole’ is a commonly used expression in the oil and gas exploration business,” Dalrymple said.
Of course, the media got a big kick out of that, but an even bigger one from Jones’ encore:
“That’s news to me!” Jones said while laughing.
Is Jerry trying to make the NFL’s most historic franchise even more into the laughing stock of the current league? It’s things like this that make America, and the rest of the world for that matter, literally laugh out loud when the Cowboys are mentioned. It’s like Jerry possesses the following thought process:
‘You know, the fact we finish .500 or less even though I all but guarantee a Super Bowl every year isn’t enough to embarrass the heck out of the few true Cowboys fans there are left. And I really need to scare off the rest of those still hanging around from the days when I ran Jimmy Johnson out of town. There’s still more I can do to screw over this franchise!’
Keep it up, Jerry. The Dallas faithful is a group that’s growing thinner by the day and absolutely ridiculous events like this latest one are the fastest ways to make it dissolve entirely.
No, that’s certainly not to say there’s any danger of Cowboys Stadium not selling out every Sunday. But let’s face it; everyone knows a vast majority of Dallas fans are just air heads that read the Cowboys’ head-shaking box scores on Monday mornings. Jerry’s Palace in Arlington will always be full because of those folks, which means he’ll always be rich. Unfortunately, that doesn’t translate into wins for the team.
Contrary to popular belief, Jerry’s not a complete idiot. Well, he is when it comes to assembling a winning football team as a general manager, but obviously not in the oil and gas industry. So it makes one wonder whether he’s truly ignorant of “glory hole” being a part of his native industry’s lingo or if he was just trying to assert his moronic arrogance over Dalrymple’s attempt to smooth things over. Regardless, the “damage was done” as Shull wrote.
Look, the Cowboys aren’t going to win anything with Jones at the helm. Jason Garrett is a joke as the head coach and Jones knows nothing about NFL talent and putting together the right personnel pieces to win at this level. Heck, he probably couldn’t win in a Pop Warner league.
If you’re still hanging in there, true blue Cowboys fans, don’t give up. Ah, who am I kidding? You heard Jerry. We’re screwed.