Friends, I have returned from the future where I just witnessed Brandon Marshall fight Warren Sapp. 82 year old Don King got this one together, and it was awesome (he, however, was incomprehensible). I know in your world, in your time, these two are just getting started with their anger for each other. But business is about to pick up!
In many ways it was an odd night. Betty White continued her massive popularity-run with a TKO of Jose Canseco in the under-card. Also that night James Harden‘s beard and Brian Wilson‘s beard battled to a split-decision (those guys from ZZ Top were the guest-refs), and somehow the New Orleans Saints lost again too. The main event was Marshall/Sapp.
Marshall had Jay Cutler as his corner-man, but Jay just berated J’Marcus Webb (who was sitting in the front row) all night. Odd. Anyway, Sapp had the Burger King as his corner man. His lips do not move so it was difficult to tell how effective he was for Sapp. Under everyone’s seat was a coupon to get a cheeseburger and medium fries at BK for a toonie after 9pm, so that was good (yes toonie, the fight was in Canada. Sapp heard tale of Montreal-style smoked meat, and poutine, so he insisted the fight be there).
The first round was the best round. Sapp came to the center of the ring and was egging Marshall on, big-time. Marshall’s plan was to use his slight reach advantage, along with massive speed advantage, to stick-and-move laterally until Sapp was stunned enough to safely go toe-to-toe to land the finishing blows. Sapp was a good agitator though (he held up several photos of various Marshall mug-shots), and did enough to get Marshall’s testosterone jacked too high. Marshall ended up going toe-to-toe with Sapp earlier than he had planned. Almost with devastating results. Almost.
Sapp’s strategy was clear. Haymakers galore, if any landed…good night. To Marshall’s credit he was decent enough at getting his hands and arms in position to deflect/absorb those shots. Sapp came close, a few times. Finally Marshall did get out of there (at one point Marshall donned an outfit of a creditor and that made Sapp avoid him). The 1st round ended with Sapp winded, and Marshall noticeably aware of that. Cutler looked disinterested. Sapp went to his corner and ate a pair of #1 BK combos (it was all good though because the drink was diet-coke). What was odd was as Marshall was returning to his corner Cutler easily tossed him the water bottle, but Marshall dropped it. Both of them turned to Webb and berated him for that too.
2nd round. In a nice try, strategically, Sapp donned a killer bees mask between rounds, while from out of the crowd emerged Kamala, also sporting a killer bees mask. The switch-a-roo may have had a chance to work, but referee Earl Hebner saw right through it because of the massive stars and moon painted on Kamala’s stomach. The winded Sapp was forced to continue.
The 2nd was the final round. Marshall used his strategy very well. The stick-and-move was on full display. When you see this fight in the future you will see that Marshall was about to win. It didn’t become official though. At the end of round 2 Moe Syszlak (The Simpsons) flew in with the flying outfit he apparently stole from pre-fight entertainment Fan Man, and he scooped Sapp to saftey. In many ways it was an odd night.
There was a brief investigation, but nothing came of it, as Floyd Mayweather Jr tweeted a pic of his winning bet ticket from Vegas which was $89 million on “Cartoon character comes to life and ruins fight +180″. In many ways it was an odd night.
Thank you for your read! I hope you had fun.
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