New York Jets Fireman Ed Hangs Up His Pick Axe
Quick! Time to sound the alarm as another fiery bombshell lands on New York Jets territory. The Jets hottest fan, Fireman Ed, has burned out from extinguishing the numerous team fires. It was unknown immediately if his alarming announcement had caused public panic amongst a scorched fan base.
After the Jets once again blew up the house this season, Fireman Ed has finally inhaled too much toxic smoke. Attention all, this is no false alarm: F-Man Ed has decided to put his tattered fire coat and fire beaten helmet into permanent storage and F’d-off.
In explaining what sparked his decision to hang up the pick axe for the last time, F-Man Ed fired off a statement stating he has become increasingly hot under the collar. He went on to state he needs some breathing room from continuously being hosed by a heated fan base.
As the Jets continue to go down in a ball of flames, Ed could no longer take the heat and decided it was best to evacuate the Jets red hot kitchen. Who would have thought the cool fireman himself would become an incendiary device? No fire marshall is required to investigate this burn job.
There was some controversy as to whether or not Fireman Ed was a volunteer or on the payroll. Suggestions that he was payed by the team would have Ed experiencing blowback, forcing him to fire off a denial of the allegations. Now that Ed has been reduced to blackened soot, smoking out this story should no longer be a hot topic of interest.
Jets fans can tip their hats to Fireman Ed for having a fireproof personality and making it through the Jets wildfires through decades of owner-related arson. He should be commended for his years of service to such a volatile community. Few have had the courage to walk in the Fireman’s boots, sorting through the smut and ashes of ruin year after year.
With Fireman Ed no longer around to take the heat and put out the numerous brush fires, expect temperatures in Florham Park, NJ to rise this winter. Fireman Ed, who himself has become a hot rod, has realized it is time for the Jets to burn it all down and rebuild from scratch.
With the Jets constantly putting out fires with gasoline (i.e. Tim Tebow acquisition), Fireman Ed had no choice but to take cover for his own safety.