NFL New England Patriots

New England Patriots are Afraid of Birds

David Butler II-USA TODAY Sports

A horrible realization has been reached down in Foxboro, Massachusetts. The New England Patriots are not fowl weather fans. That’s right, the Patriots, who were heavy favorites to beat the Baltimore Ravens in the AFC Championship game, lost to their fifth bird team in a row.

What are bird teams exactly? I’m talking about the mascots. My good friend Peter Lewis broke down teams for me. There are 14 human’s teams, eight horses, five birds and five miscellaneous teams (like the New York Jets). Horses include all four-legged animals, like Jacksonville Jaguars, the Detroit Lions and Chicago Bears, along with the Denver Broncos and Indianapolis Colts. In this scenario, the Patriots are a human team.

The five bird teams in the NFL are the Baltimore Ravens, Seattle Seahawks, Atlanta Falcons, the Arizona Cardinals and the Philadelphia Eagles. The Patriots lost to those five “bird” teams a combined five times over the course of the season. They lost to the Eagles in the pre-season, 27-17. In week two they lost to the Arizona Cardinals 20-18. The Seattle Seahawks claimed their victory in week six. Finally, they lost to the Ravens twice, once in week three and a second time in the AFC Championship Game. The Patriots did not play the Atlanta Falcons this season.

The Patriots obviously had a bird problem this year. Their only other regular season loss was to the NFC Champion San Francisco 49ers, a human team. They lost to two other human teams in the preseason, the New York Giants and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Last year they beat the only bird team they faced, the Philadelphia Eagles. Everyone should lay off Tom Brady. Perhaps the Patriots just had more bird than they could handle this year.

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