15 Things to do Instead of Watching Super Bowl XLVII
Stuff to do Instead of Watching the Super Bowl
For the first time in the history of the Super Bowl brothers will be facing each other on opposite sidelines as head coach for their respective teams. The Baltimore Ravens and San Francisco 49ers battled hard to get where they are right now and they deserve all the respect in the world, but at the end of the day if you’re not a fan of either team, it’s going to be hard to watch.
Maybe you have friends on both sides of the fence and you would never hear the end of it if either team won. If you’re like me you can’t stand the 49ers or their fans, but you love WR Randy Moss so you’re torn. You want Moss to get a ring, but at the same time you don’t want to see that smug look of satisfaction on every San Francisco fan after they win a championship.
However, you don’t want the Ravens to win because you’re just not a fan of Ray Lewis and you think Wes Welker’s wife is completely correct. Lewis is not a role model. People shouldn’t follow his path. Having said that, to be where he is right now is not a bad thing.
People are calling it the HarBowl or Harbaugh Bowl, but really it’s just Super Bowl XLVII. Jim Harbaugh and John Harbaugh are not the best coaches in the NFL, or even close to it, so really, as always, the players are going win the game. It will just come down to which team wants it more and if that doesn’t interest you, here are 15 things you can do instead of watching Super Bowl XLVII.
Follow Kase Brammer on Twitter @KBlive33
Hit the Slopes
If you live in an area next to mountains a lot of people are going to be watching the Super Bowl, so the slopes will be empty. It would be a great way to get away from all the hype and ignoring all your friends is really easy to do. Plus, you don't have to tell anybody you went snowboarding or skiing, so at the end of the game you start berating your friends whom are fans of the losing team. Everybody wins, you didn't have to watch a terrible game, and you still get your fill of smack talk.
Ride Your Bike into Town to Get Some Milk
Something that people never do anymore and it's fun, exciting and a great way to stay in shape. Why watch the game when you can go to the store and get some delicious fat free milk that will sit in the fridge for a couple of weeks until your realize it's about to go bad and have to drink it all in one day. I mean really anything is better than watching Jim Harbaugh whine on the sidelines, but I shouldn't say too much because I respect him a lot more because of this.
Watch the First Harry Potter Movie Twice
Why waste your time watching the Super Bowl when you can re-watch the first Harry Potter movie twice? The magic of the big game is nothing compared to that found at Hogwarts. "Prime Time" Deion Sanders? More like prime time for some Harry Potter drinking games (I am actually not sure if that exists, but there is a basic assumption).
Try to Make Nick Saban Smile
Winner of three out of the last four National Championships for NCAA Football, Nick Saban has never been much for emotion. You probably don't know where he is, but if you can find him and make him smile, you would be doing more than any human had ever done. Word on the street is he loves kitties.
Go Cowboy Hat Shopping By Yourself
Wearing Cowboy hats has never been my thing and I feel like it's something I couldn't ever get into, but the ladies above pull it off quite nicely, so why not give it a shot? Your opinion of yourself is the only thing that matters, so don't let your friends talk you into letting them go with you. If a Cowboy hat is right for you, you're the only one to tell yourself that. Having said that, Joe Flacco should start wearing Cowboy hats, so he can tell himself he is elite at something.
Prank Call Sylvester Stallone
I don't have his number, but I'm sure you could get it if you called his agent and told him you wanted to put him in a terrible movie that required little to no acting. Why watch the Super Bowl when you can prank call Sylvester Stallone 35 times from different numbers? It's like messing with Sasquatch, but a whole lot less dangerous. In the end you have to ask yourself, is watching Colin Kaepernick collapse in the final three minutes of the game going to be worth your time? Actually yes, but do we care? Absolutely not.
Take Turns Giving Your Friends Gatorade Showers
Why wait until after the game to see a coach get upset when his players douse him Gatorade? Get a bunch of your friends together and take turns splashing each other with Gatorade. Is it really weird? Probably, but the feeling of being a champion just feels that much better.
Learn the Rules of Curling
Canadians always get upset when Americans make fun of the "sport" of curling. So, I suggest you learn the rules just so you can make fun of the sport while sounding intelligent. Then, get better at the sport, so we can dominate them in the next winter Olympics and sweep the medal round. Lets be serious, a medal in curling is just about as exciting as watching paint dry, but probably still better than watching the Super Bowl this year.
Watch Re-runs of Reba
If you're feeling desperate this year and really don't want to watch the Super Bowl, I'm sure there is some sort of marathon of Reba on Lifetime. You can probably get a full eight episodes in before the final whistle blows and you might be able to time it perfectly so you can still watch the commercials.
Debate Whether or Not Tiger Woods is Balding
It's hard to tell because he is always wearing a hat, but Tiger Woods is getting up there in age. If you have friends in the room needing to watch the Super Bowl, just turn the sound way down and loudly discuss whether or not Woods will need to get implants before he turns 40. If that is not exciting, you can always make fun of Alex Rodriguez and his legacy that is now a joke.
Pretend to Care About NASCAR
NASCAR season starts up here pretty shortly and the age old discussion of whether or not it's a sport will start up again. It's on ESPN, so it has to be a sport, right? Wrong, but we can humor people and pretend to care about NASCAR just to get through the day because it will be better than hearing about how Ray Lewis allegedly cheated and how Kaepernick is already elite even though he hasn't even played a full season.
Play Some Flag Football
I have been told exercise is something people do, but I have not experienced this phenomenon yet. Why not get together with some friends and play some overly aggressive flag football? That way you can get mad at your one friend when he decides to take the game too seriously and actually tackles you. At that point you beat him to the ground and there you have it, entertainment.
Extreme Mountain Climbing
Regular mountain climbing is way too hard, so just go to the local park and show your friends how real men climb a five foot wall. It will only take about 10 seconds, but including the drive or walk to the park you probably wasted an hour and an hour not watching this years Super Bowl is just a great hour.
Cook All Day
You don't have to leave your house to avoid watching the Super Bowl. You can always man the grill all day and all through the game. You can still drink as much beer as you like, plus you get to cook meat all day long. Sounds like a great day to me. A perfect touchdown pass? You wish, how about the perfectly seasoned burger cooked to perfection?
Watch Kobe Bryant Take Everyone to School
This has nothing to do with the Super Bowl because the NBA will not play during the game, but have you seen the commercial, it's fantastic. I think I'm going to record the Los Angeles Lakers game, just so I can watch it during the Super Bowl. I'm not saying Kobe Bryant could play football better than everybody on both teams, but if he tried, it would be exciting to watch.