According to Andy Dolich of CSNBayarea.com, the San Francisco 49ers are “closing in” on striking a deal for the naming rights to their new Santa Clara stadium. The deal would reportedly be worth $12-14 million per year, which would assist the Niners in paying off their $850 million dollar loan to build the stadium.
The 49ers’ new stadium is located in Santa Clara in Silicon Valley — a hot bed for technological companies — which makes the companies available to purchase the naming rights in high demand. The report doesn’t name the companies vying for the rights, so (naturally) I decided to come up with my own.
The Facebook Poke Bowl – Mark Zuckerberg and his truckloads of money acquire another product on their quest for global domination. The naming rights acquisition will go so well that Niners CEO Jed York will slowly lose his percentage ownership of the team and Zucks will take over. I smell a sequel: “The Social Network 2: How Zuckerberg Stole the 49ers”. Seriously though, what the hell is a poke?
House of Pain Tattoo Stadium – Colin Kaepernick’s tattoos have been a hot topic since he burst onto the scene, so why not name their stadium after a local tattoo shop? “Free face tattoos for kids under the age of 12” sounds like a great promotional tactic to really inspire the younger generations to be a 49er fan and to get some ink. Who needs face-paint that washes off when you can get a face tattoo that lasts forever?!
The Apple Dome – Just think of what one of the most innovative and savvy companies can do to make the new Santa Clara Stadium a technological haven. The only problem? They’d want to create a new stadium every year and make people wait in line for hours upon hours just to be able to see the new stadium and by the time we are comfortable with that new stadium they will release another stadium!
The Bing Dome – Bing is apparently a search engine that people use? I guess it is. They need to get their name out, but they would always play second fiddle to Google. Hm…second fiddle huh? Sounds like Bing would probably be great for the Oakland Raiders stadium then.
Jay-Z’s House – Jay-Z is reportedly selling his .035% ownership of the Brooklyn Nets and is looking to become a sports agent. Why become a sports agent when you can own the whole Santa Clara Stadium? It’d be a beautiful place for Jay-Z and Beyonce to grow old while taking care of their kid, Blue Ivey Carter. Plus, he’s already got a venue for his concerts! Win-Win.