Remembering Zoey Belcher: A List of Kansas City Chiefs Miscreants

By Troy Alan
John Rieger – USA Today Sports

With the Oakland Raiders coming to to town this Sunday, I felt the need to be impartial. They’re an easy team to poke fun at for their mischievous actions, but I’m here to come clean. No team in the league is immune to the chaos which is the NFL.

I saw a Facebook post not too long ago that brought up the idea of this article. It was a picture of a sign that would normally be seen by a shift worker in some factory’s break room. You know, the old safety first placard with three hooks? The one that the manager would hang a new number on daily signifying another day on the job without anyone getting hurt? Yeah, that sign.

The only difference was this one had the league shield at the top and read “Days without a felony arrest”. It only had one hook, and one was the number hanging on it. It was shortly after Aaron Hernandez, former New England Patriots TE, was arrested and charged with murder. My initial thought was “I’m glad my team doesn’t have that kind of player on it.”

Then I remembered Jovan Belcher. He’s not a member of the Kansas City Chiefs anymore. He’s dead. I don’t miss him. He did the most despicable thing a Chiefs player has ever done. This is a list of good Kansas City players who have done bad things. He was neither. He was at best a mediocre player, and what he did was and remains unmentionable. Here’s a list of Chiefs misdoers.

Derrick Thomas was hands down the best Chiefs player on this list and his issues are not that bad by NFL standards. Thomas was very good at breaking through protection (apparently both on and off the field.) He fathered seven children by five different women, none of which were his wife. A lot of video footage of him has been studied. Thankfully it was before Paris Hilton;  I really don’t want to see all of his skills.

Andre Rison is a five-time Pro Bowler who played for seven different NFL teams in his career. He was involved and living with Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes from the pop group TLC in 1993 when their house burned down. Supposedly she threw his shoes in the shower and lit them on fire after a physical domestic dispute, thinking they’d be easily put out. The fire got out of hand.

At one point he owed $300,000 in back child support and $167,000 in bad checks to an Atlanta jewelry store. They got back together. (Surely it had nothing to do with the jewelry.)

Bam Morris can only be described in the words of Ray Lamontagne, “Trouble… trouble, trouble, trouble.”  That’s the best I can do. Drug charges and failed substance abuse tests since 1996, the Chiefs gave him a second chance ten years later. Since then it’s been “Prison… prison, prison, prison.” He was released early on a ten year sentence back in 2004.

Tamarick Vanover is the all-time leading punt returner and overall return yardage leader in Chiefs history. This idiot was making millions playing a game, but that wasn’t enough. He pleaded guilty to aiding and abetting the sale of stolen cars to get out of the Federal drug trafficking charges he was faced with. He narked out his teammate, Morris, and only served two months.

Larry Johnson tops the Kansas City list of miscreants. Second to Priest Holmes by only 55 yards, he’s the best Chiefs player that just plain sucks! After birth he was placed in a diaper, but despite Dick Vermeil‘s request that he take them off, at age 33 he kept wearing them.

He’s 6-foot-1 and weighs 231 pounds, and he’s been arrested four times for assaulting women. He’s waved a gun at them, shoved them to the ground, pushed them in the head, and spit drinks in their faces officially. Johnson is the second biggest loser to don a Chiefs uniform.

May God bless Zoey Belcher.

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