Andrew Luck Is Hands Down The Ugliest Player In NFL

Andrew Luck

David Butler II-USA TODAY Sports

The dominant New England Patriots did what they do and claimed another prey in the playoffs. This year, their first victim was the Indianapolis Colts and, by association, Andrew Luck. He has many more seasons ahead of him and will learn from this year’s playoffs, but as all of America was sitting in their favorite chair watching the Patriots crush the Colts, one thing and one thing only became crystal clear — Luck is one ugly dude!

Luck may be the former rookie of the year, a pro-bowler and one day possibly an MVP, but none of that changes how downright ugly this guy is! Every time he took off his helmet, that blank stare and oddly-shaped face was staring right back at you. It would be unbearable to have a 3-D TV with that ugliness jumping out of the TV and into your living room. It gives you the creeps just thinking about it.

Now, no NFL player needs to be a model, though Tom Brady tries, but you can’t argue that Luck just doesn’t have it going on for him. He looks like a big oaf from West Virginia. If you didn’t know he went to Stanford, you’d probably think he didn’t know how to tie his shoes. He just has a weird look that’s hard to describe.  Even worse than that is his failed attempt to hide his hideousness with a beard. For some people, a beard is a positive attempt to hide half of your face. If you’re ugly and you can eliminate half the ugliness, you grow a beard. But in Luck’s case, the beard can’t even help and actually makes it worse! He might be the first person in the history of beards to look uglier with a beard. It just isn’t working for him. Shave that thing off and try something else.

It’s true Luck is a millionaire, will probably marry a hot model, and gets paid to play football. He still lives a very good life, but don’t think that means he’s not going to get the Ugliest Player in the NFL Award. Most people’s lives suck compared to Luck, but hey, at least we don’t look like that. Yikes, he has to work on that. Or he could just leave his helmet on all game. I’m just trying to lighten the mood Luck, don’t cry. Colts fans love you just the way you are! But seriously, just leave your helmet on.

David Galleher is a writer for RantSports.com. Follow him on Twitter @theDaveGalleher.


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  • Hannah

    Definitely not ugly… but okay

  • Jason Waters

    I don’t know if I’d call him ugly, but he’s definitely a goober. I listen to him talk and all I hear is Cletus the Slack Jawed Yokel.

    • Dave Galleher

      Great point! I would have loved to go with “Luck is Cletus the Slack Jawed Yokel” but my editor may not have found it as amusing. Thanks for reading this goofy article.

      • Jason Waters

        Better to leave that to the rabble on here, you never know what’s gonna make you the next reporter to be called out for thought crimes.

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